Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

A couple of nights ago,  I had to “check myself”, I mean literally have a “keeping it real” talk with myself. I assure you I’m not crazy, or at least I haven’t been diagnosed yet. I came across a post on social media where an acquaintance was talking about how great her first day of work went after taking off for maternity leave. She spoke of how she missed her job and the responsibility that comes with it. As I was reading through the comments, I felt myself starting to get upset and dare I say, offended. The other moms said things like, “I have the best of both worlds being a working woman and a mom”, “Working and being a mom made a better woman out of me”, and so on and so on. 

People, hear me when I tell you, I was so close to writing about how stay-at-home-moms (SAHM) are just as good and blah, blah, blah, blah. Listen, I’m embarrassed now just sharing this with you but what can I say, it happened. So, back to the story. Now I was about to defend all stay at home moms everywhere across the world, when that little voice of reason popped into my head. The conversation between me, myself, and I went like this…

“Erika,” said self.

“Uh, yes,” I respond.

My voice of reason asks, “Erika, can you tell me where any of those moms said something about you?”

“Right there! Right there she said she’s a better woman for it and….,” my stubborn self responds.

“But where did any one of them directly compare themselves to YOU? Furthermore, where did they mention stay-at-home-moms at all? Please, show me where they typed out E-R-I-K-A or where they said one mom is better than the other? I’ll wait on you to show me,”said self.

Talk about a swift kick in the butt!

My own insecurities about my own self worth as a stay-at-home-mom completely got the best of me. As Ice Cube says, “You betta check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self” and I seriously had to get myself in check.

To be clear, I know my worth as a stay-at-home-mom and what this means to my family, not just my girls but to my husband, too. But sometimes I struggle with going between caring and not caring what other people think of SAHM’s. There are so many stereotypes out there that I sometimes feel I need to defend myself and name off all of my credentials gained outside the home. However, that’s MY struggle. I had to realize that  getting upset with what those women posted had nothing to do with them but everything to do with me. I was feeling insecure about my place in this world as a SAHM, that’s not their fault! But how easy it was to take offense when it was completely unnecessary. Can anyone relate?

After I had this revelation, it got me to thinking about how often so many of us do this to ourselves? We take personal offense to general statements made by others that have completely nothing to with us as individuals. So often, we compare ourselves to others, forgetting that God has something for them to do, just like He has something for you and me. We don’t all get assigned the same tasks and that’s perfectly okay. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that we fulfill our purpose for God by allowing Him to use us wherever He has placed us.

The second and final point is this, sometimes we really do have to put ourselves in check.

*1 Corinthians 11:31 states, 31 But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged. 

Although it’s “funny” to say, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself” there is a truth behind the importance of doing so. I highlighted the words “judged ourselves” because I want to focus on the meaning. According to Strong’s Concordance, or Blue Letter Bible, judged ourselves has a few meanings, which are:

a. to separate, make a distinction, discriminate, to prefer
b. to learn by discrimination, to try, decide
c. to determine, give judgment, decide a dispute
d. to withdraw from one, desert
e. to separate one’s self in a hostile spirit, to oppose, strive with dispute, contend
f. to be at variance with one’s self, hesitate, doubt

As you can see, I highlighted the last meaning, f., because I feel it most closely applies to the message. I had to literally go against myself and my initial thoughts in order to put myself “in check”and I’m so glad I did. Could you imagine how silly I would’ve looked if I would have commented about how SAHM’s are just as happy and content? Thank goodness my voice of reason stepped in and helped me judge myself and in turn, prevented me from being judged by others as an overly sensitive, get over yourself, crazy SAHM. 

If I could sum up the point of this post, I guess it could be summed up in two points. Number one, everyone has something they are called to do. If God has placed you somewhere, stay there, enjoy it and be blessed by it. Number two, sometimes you need to put yourself in check and “keep it real” with yourself.

Praying for you always! Be blessed.

*Please remember when reading scripture to always read the verses before and after to understand the context. The verse I pulled from is talking about the act of communion and being of a clear mind and heart but I thought the verse was applicable to the post. Thanks!*

Who Are You Fleeing To, Married One?

A couple of days ago, I sat down in my office chair as I was reading a text from a dear friend whose marriage is at a crossroads. I put my phone down without responding because I wasn’t sure what to say at the time. I wanted my words to be ones that would uplift and encourage her, not feed into her despair. I grabbed my Jar of Promises (check out my previous blog, 3 Motivational Things…), a container full of verses to look up that contain God’s promises.  My daughter asked if she could pick the scripture this particular day and I let her. She picked the first one right off the top and I’ll be honest and say I wanted her to dig in there a little more but she didn’t. Thank God she picked the scripture she did.

This is for my friend, she knows who she is, and anyone else who may be at a crossroads in their marriage.

Hebrews 6: 17-18 (ESV)  17 So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed with an oath, 18 so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us.

This particular scripture is referring to God’s promise to Abraham and his descendants. However, when I read this scripture I believe that the same God who wanted to show Abraham His unchangeable character is the same God we serve today.

When we are in the midst of troubling times, we have two choices to make (For my own testimony on hard times, check out Perfect and Ideal ). The first option we have, is to believe in ourselves and our ability to fix things. The thing we must ask ourselves with option number one is what is our track record? Is it perfect? Sure, we can make decisions that provide us with an immediate feeling of relief but what about the long run, do those decisions always pay out in the long run? We live in a world where we’re taught if we’re not happy with our spouse, leave and move on to the next person who will make us happy. We treat marriage as though it’s the same as dating and we end our marriages the same way we ended our relationship with our high school boyfriend. We’re outta here at the first sign of trouble.

The second option is to do as verse 18 states and “flee for refuge so that we might have strong encouraging to hold fast to the hope set before us”. While this may seem like an oxymoron, sometimes fleeing means sitting absolutely still, praying and waiting. Flee to God in prayer for your marriage, asking Him to not only heal your marriage and not just change your spouse but to change you as well, none of us are perfect.

When we say our marriage vows, we are entered into a holy covenant, an agreement. I think so often we forget that when we enter into this covenant with our spouse that there is a third-party present, God. Sadly, because we forget that He is just as much a part of our marriage as the man and woman themselves, we easily fall into the trap of believing there is no hope. But friends, God’s character is unchangeable and if we are believers like we say we are, then we have got to hold fast to God’s promises to us. The question is who do you believe in more, God’s ability or your ability? Or maybe it isn’t that you doubt God’s ability but you doubt He will do it for you.

Hebrews 17 states, “So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed with an oath.” Friends, God created marriage to be a beautiful thing and I truly believe that God has a purpose for each and every one of us and for our marriages. But how can our full potential be reached in our marriages if we run in times of trouble? Could God’s desire be to show you just as convincingly as He did with the Israelites the promise of His unchangeable character through your marriage. If everything is always great, where is the opportunity for growth and refinement? Where is the opportunity to see God move and work in only ways He can if we don’t give Him the chance (and His timing) to do it? I love this image I came across on Facebook the other day, particularly the last line and it states, “They become”. Friends, marriage takes work, hard work and we (husbands/wives) can’t do it alone. Just as God guaranteed with an oath in Hebrews verse 17, our wedding vows are too an oath that our Father enters in with us. We need Him to help us, especially in times of trouble.

 

Friends, I am here to encourage you in marriages today. While well-meaning friends and family members will agree with you and concur that your spouse is not fulfilling their duty, that feeling of validation does nothing to save your marriage. Instead, I encourage you  to turn to God, flee to God for refuge and let Him show you how if you depend on Him,  He will fulfill his promise to you because He doesn’t lie and His character is unchangeable.

I reached out to two of my friends and I would like to share their testimonies with you.

Friend #1 shared this:

The first year of my marriage, the word divorce came up probably every other week. I was pregnant with our first child and on our first anniversary we were living separately (We didn’t even get to eat our wedding cake that we had kept frozen from that special day).
Although we had dated for about 7 years before marriage, somehow we were not making it as husband and wife. We had premarital counseling and received approval to be married.

Trouble came because things that we disagreed about during counseling started to appear during the marriage. One of the major disagreements was that my husband felt like he shouldn’t have to come home at a decent hour. He wanted to hang out with his friends as if he was still single. I didn’t have a problem with him hanging with his friends, I just wanted him home at a decent hour. That became a huge problem in our marriage and caused many arguments. So my response to his actions was divorce. My husband would get mad when I would bring up the dreadful “d-word”.  I couldn’t understand my husband.  He didn’t want a divorce but he didn’t want to compromise with me either.

Of course I believed in God and prayer but the flesh in me called my mom and dad first. Both of my parents listened to me and they never suggested divorce. I remember thinking, “Dang, why am I the only one trying to solve this by getting a divorce?” I would pray and ask God to help me because I didn’t know what to do. Months went by and of course, being as pregnant, I shed a lot of tears. This situation added so much stress to my life. I couldn’t fathom the possibility that I was going to give birth to a child and bring her into a broken home. I believe that was my breaking point, I didn’t want to raise my child as a single parent because I grew up in a single parent home.

At this point my prayers began to change, I started to pray for my husband. I was being selfish in my previous prayers because I only asked God to help me! After many prayers for myself, my husband, our marriage and our child, my situation started to turn around. My husband called me one day and said that he wanted to come home. After a of couple dates and long conversations about making the necessary changes to fix our marriage, he came home.

This year we will celebrate our 7th year anniversary! Oh and yes we have small disagreements, but divorce is never apart of the discussion. Most disagreements we can fix on our own, but if not we take it to God in prayer!

Friend #2 shared this:

My husband and I have always had a pretty solid marriage until this recent 3rd year. Things became very stressful. His sense of job security became very shaky when another company came in for a buyout, and it began to affect our entire marriage. Not knowing the entire story (because it takes time for my husband to get things out of his system) I could not understand the stress that he was going through. I felt like my husband did not want me or didn’t even love me. Many things that I’d never thought about before began to creep into my head… is he cheating on me? Why doesn’t he love me? Did I marry the wrong man? Should we get a divorce? The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy and I was allowing him to put his foot into the door. I then even considered stepping out, myself, on my husband.

I spoke with my best friend… who told me she would pray for me and that I needed to pray harder for my marriage, but more specifically, my husband. It was the turn of the year and I decided to fast and pray to save my marriage… not knowing what to expect. At the very beginning of my fast, the movie “War Room” was on demand and it was if God himself was speaking right to me. The #1 thing that I learned was that my husband is not the enemy. Satan is the enemy. Anytime I felt like blaming, complaining or criticizing my husband, I decided to pray for him instead. I begin to fight the enemy, not my husband. Almost instantly, my marriage improved.

My husband and I have dedicated to having one night out the week for family night with no screens and no interruptions where we solely focus on each other. We recently went on a marriage retreat where we were reminded of why we loved each other so much in the first place and we’re looking forward to a nice vacation in the Caribbean this summer and celebrating our 3rd year anniversary. Things have not changed at his job just yet, but we’ve changed as a married couple. It’s amazing how we went from 3 months in such a dark place to feeling like newlyweds again! God has definitely been our answer. And why that may seem cliché to most couples, we have definitely found prayer and God to be the key to our successful marriage.

Can I tell you something? Neither one of these friends saw the other’s response but do you see the commonality, here?

I pray this helps one person in some small capacity. Praying for you always, friends!

 

 

Additional Resources to Consider:

War Room DVD (There is also a Bible study in addition to the movie.)

Armor of God Bible Study by Priscilla Shirer

40 Lessons from 40 Years of Marriage

Sacred Marriage Series of Books

Boundaries in Marriage

Love Dare

 

Updated: 3 Motivational Things You Should Get Today

If you know of something that might be a blessing to others, it’s always great to share, right?! Well, I just wanted to take a little time to share three things that have really been a blessing to me over the past couple of months. Check them out!

Seamless: Understanding the Bible as One Complete Story by Angie Smith

Please hear me when I tell you this, I absolutely, beyond a doubt, unapologetically, enjoyed the Seamless study. Angie Smith, the author, does exactly what she sets out to do, she helps you understand the Bible as ONE complete story. If you are anything like me before I completed this study, I knew the Bible as pieces and chunks. I had taken a couple of precept studies that helped me to understand a book of the Bible or a concept but I still had yet to understand the complete story and how they all relate to one another.  From Genesis to Revelation, Angie explains what happened, why it’s important to know and how it all comes together as one big “seamless” story, and even how it pertains to YOU. Another plus is Angie’s sense of humor that just leaps from the pages. She’s relatable, she’s real, and she is funny (she’s not bad at sarcasm either). This study truly blessed me, I know it will do the same for you. Here’s what my friend over at Jubeelee Art had to say about  how “relentless” I was about encouraging my friends to do this study.

In All Things Give Thanks: 90 Days of Gratitude Journal by Charles F. Stanley

This was a gift given to me by my secret sister from Mothers of Preschoolers, or  MOPS. I’ll be honest with you, I had this journal for over a month before I started to use it and I didn’t begin to use it because I was so happy about life that particularly night. Actually, it was quite the opposite. I had just one of the worst days possible, so bad that at one point that day, I was standing outside of a bathroom stall at Carrabbas Italian Grill crying (literally), holding one baby on my hip, while helping my other one use the potty. All this girl wanted was to just sit and her car and have her food delivered curbside while her hubby was out-of-town, but a certain three year-old couldn’t hold it any longer. Many other things happened that day and I was at a point where I just wanted to curl into a ball a just cry. So, at the end of the night I just needed some encouragement. I opened the journal and read the foreword and here is a little bit of what the author had to say, “Of course, you may imagine this to be an extremely difficult command (express appreciation to Jesus) especially during those season when it’s a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. But there is a reason that Scripture admonishes us to praise the Father in every situation-not only when life is joyful or easy, but also when our souls most desperately need hope. And that is because nothing in the world ministers to our spirits or lifts our hearts like praising God.” I enjoyed this journal so much that I looked it up in order to buy it for a friend and I discovered that is free. Yep, you read that right, absolutely FREE!! Click here to get your 90 Days of Gratitude Journal for free, no gimmicks, no hassle.

Jar of God’s Promises

The next item also came from my secret sister and I have absolutely no clue whether it was a purchased gift or if it was made but I love it. It is a jar filled with Bible verses that contain God’s promises. Again, I didn’t read the first one until that horrible day but God’s timing is always perfect timing. Every day I stick my hand in and pick a little slip of paper with the verse that I should look read that day. I read the verse, pray about it and write it in my journal along with whatever thoughts I have for that day. I wish I could tell you where to get one but I’m sure a little time spent on Google will lead you in the right direction. I even saw a couple of similar items on Pinterest. Update: My secret sister purchased the jar from the $1-$3 section from Target that is normally located in the very front when you walk in. She then typed up the daily reminders of God’s promises from the 2015 calendar, printed them and cut them up into slips to place in the jar. I am not sure if this is the same website she used but here is a link to 365 Promises.

I pray these items bless you as much as they have blessed me. If you decide to follow me up on any of these, let me know what you think. Praying for you always!

Go Tell or Go Help?

Nine days ago I received a mass email from the program director of my daughter’s Mother’s Day Out program. The general purpose of the email was about the upcoming book fair the program was having. However, at the end of the email, the director stated that a few moms had brought something to her attention out of concern. At the end of the letter, the director said, “I trust you hear the “heart” through which this request is made.”

Let me begin by saying that the director of the Mother’s Day Out program is beyond fantastic. It was her duty to do address the concern brought by those mothers with other parents. But still, something bothered me about the email, it wasn’t the director, she was doing her job, but rather it was the moms who reported their sightings to her.  While I heard the “heart” at which the director was making the request, it made me wonder about the heart of the fellow moms who went to her.

You see, around the time I received the email, the pastor of my church introduced a new message series called “10,000 Steps”.  The inspiration behind the series is the FitBit and the daily goal of reaching 10, 000 steps. The question posed during my pastor’s message is how are you spending those steps? Are you spending those steps reaching out to others? Are you spending those steps judging others? What are you doing? The message isn’t saying that you should go up to everyone you encounter and say, “Hi, my name is Erika and I would like to know if you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior”. No, that’s not the purpose. But what the message is saying is that God can use you in your everyday life to be a light towards someone else.

Now going back to my daughter’s MDO program, I have thought about the moms who spoke to the director. You are probably asking yourself what was the complaint. Well, I’ll warn you this can be a touchy subject but here goes…a couple of moms were either running their children inside or picking their children up but leaving a baby in the car while doing so. The three main reasons the email bothered me are 1. There was so much ambiguity as to which mom or moms were doing this since it was a mass email. 2. I could possibly be one of the moms the email was addressing because I have left my youngest child sleeping in the car. 3. If I was the mom they were referring to, if they would’ve approached me, they would’ve been informed that next to my car was a van that contained a pretty and petite friend of mine named Wendie, who was watching my little girl for me. I would’ve been able to share with them how for a while, Wendie and I would just sit next to each other in our cars and talk about everything from the life of being a mom, bible study, the advantages of driving a mini-van and just life in general. I would also have been able to share with them how Wendie watched me carrying one year-old, while holding the hand of my energetic three year-old with my pregnant belly poking out and how one day she just said, “If I’m here, don’t worry about carrying her inside with you anymore. I’ll watch her for you until you come back. We’re both moms and I’ve been there.” But that’s just my story of being blessed by a fellow mom.

I can’t help but to wonder about the other moms the email could’ve been referencing. I also can’t help but to wonder about how those moms who expressed their concerns  to the director could have spent their steps differently. Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that it’s wrong to express concern over the well-being of a child, that’s not what I’m saying at all.

One mom had four kids with her and one of the kids notified her that she had left her lunchbox in the classroom AFTER all four kids were seated and buckled in the car. She ran inside with her daughter to grab the lunchbox but was literally afraid she would be reported by another mom for leaving her kids in the car. Am I the only one who thinks there’s something wrong with that picture?

To express how I feel, I have to directly quote my pastor because he put my feelings into words. He stated, “Society now wants justice over mercy. We believe in judgement over forgiveness. We extend criticism over benefit of the doubt. And we believe in works and merit over grace.”

Instead of spending their 50-150 steps looking for the director to “report” other moms what if the following happened…

What if they used that thing called empathy and weren’t so quick to jump to conclusions?

What if they looked at things in context and said to themselves, “Hmm, it’s raining and cold out here today, I’m sure she probably didn’t want the baby out in this type of weather, she normally takes the baby in with her”?

What if they went to the director and said, “Hey, I noticed this mom left her baby in the car today, would you mind giving her my name and telling her I don’t mind watching the baby for a couple of minutes while she runs in”?

What if the baby was sick and finally fell asleep after being up for hours and the mom just wanted her baby to finally rest and literally ran in to pick-up/drop-off her other child?

This is about taking the time to notice people, not just in school parking lots, but everywhere. Although the MDO program is at a Christian church, it would be silly to think all parents share the same faith. I wonder if one of those moms who received the email, just marked it as another reason why she thinks Christians are judgmental or some other notion.

Listen, I pray that you can see the gray area here that I’m talking about. I’m not encouraging moms to leave their kids in the car and go on shopping sprees. But what I am saying is that opportunities are being missed in our everyday steps to be the light and the salt of the earth.

Matthew 5:13-16 NIV

13 “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. 14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that[a] they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

How will you spend your 10,000 steps today?

 

 

 

Thank God, I Was Too Sick to Go

About a year ago, I felt that God was speaking to me and telling me that I needed to go into ministry. Not the kind of ministry where I’m speaking from a pulpit but in the areas of teaching and just being there for women who are married, women who are mothers of young children and so on. I prayed about it and within the next week I felt led to do two things, join the women’s ministry at my church and put in an application to become a Discussion Group Leader, or DGL, for MOPS International. For the purpose of my message today, I just want to focus on the women’s ministry at my church.

A couple of weeks ago, I got really sick on what I deemed the worst day EVER to get sick. It was the first day of returning to Women’s Bible Study at my church after the winter break and we were starting the study called Seamless by Angie Smith. Not only that, my friend Marissa and I are co-teaching this study together and had spent lots of time preparing for our first day. Again, it was the worst day EVER to get sick.

I remember sending my husband a text that morning saying I didn’t feel well and he honestly thought it was just my nerves. Although I do get nervous, I usually don’t get physically sick because of it but on this particular morning, I hung on to that notion, it was my nerves.

I remember texting Marissa saying I was coming but I didn’t feel well, I had every intention of going. I had left the house twice, only to return home to use the bathroom. I dropped my oldest off at Mothers Day Out and I remember sitting in the parking lot and feeling like I needed someone to get me and my youngest home. I called my mom and asked for prayer. I sent a group text to my friends asking for prayer. I called my dad and he said, “Where do you have to be this morning that you are getting so worked up about if you’re sick?” As much as I wanted to, I. JUST. COULDN’T. DO. IT.

I finally sent a text to Marissa and said I was too sick to come. I literally cried driving back home. My dad called again and made the following statement, “You know Erika, God allows things for a reason. Maybe there is a reason you are not there today. I think you should pray about it and really seek to find out why He blocked this for you today.”

Umm, WHAT?! SERIOUSLY?! That’s what my dad says to me?!

As confused as I was, I listened and I really prayed about it, “God, if there is a reason, enlighten me.” And He did.

While my intentions may have been good, I was too worried about “me”.  Would “I” do a good job? Would “I” get the message across? Am “I’ good enough to co-teach this study? Am “I” knowledgable enough to teach others about Christ? Would “I” be a hindrance to not only my co-teacher, Marissa, but to the other ladies who lead Bible study? I had let the enemy fill my head with all sorts of self-doubts and reasons to worry about “my” role.

Praise God for His lessons in what seem to us to be the most “inopportune” times. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

The truth is that I wasn’t completely trusting that God would equip me with what I needed to co-teach this study. Marissa kept telling me, “God does not call the equipped, He equips the called.” But I didn’t fully understand that until I got sick and couldn’t go. God needed me to completely trust Him and depend on Him for this study. It wasn’t about me or anyone else. It was about Him and what he had and still has for the women who were in that study group. God needed me to miss that first day.

I will also share this, the following week at Bible study, about two minutes before we got started,  a well-intending lady made the following statement, “Oh, you’re the one who didn’t show up last week. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I were Marissa but she did an excellent job. I mean she was amazing!”

I’ll be honest and tell you that for a split-second all those insecurities crept their way into my heart and that feeling of self-doubt started rearing its ugly head. But I remembered what God had laid on my heart and instead of letting those feelings get the best of me, I looked at Marissa and said, “Let’s go pray.”

We had a great study that day, praise God for He was there and equipped us all.

 

There’s No Turning Back…

Sometimes there is something so exciting that you just can’t keep it to yourself. And sometimes there is something so exciting that it scares you. Sometimes that something that is so big AND scares you, has to be released into the atmosphere so that there’s no turning back. THIS EXCITING THING is one of those! It’s big, it’s scary, and it has to be released so that WE will be held accountable.

 

So, what is it?! And who is WE?

Well, you may have heard me mention my buddy, Marissa a time or two over at Honey Flavored Lemonade and she’s a big part of this because she is who makes up the WE. So what are WE doing?!

Spill it already, Erika!!!

Okay, I’ll tell you but first a little background…(Really?! Yes, really. Patience my friends.)

I initially heard of Marissa from a mutual friend who thought she would be a great person to talk to because she was very knowledgeable about dairy allergies. My youngest daughter had just had a severe allergic reaction to cheddar cheese puffs and she looked like she could’ve been Will Smith’s daughter in the movie Hitch when he had an allergic reaction.

I finally met Marissa and we exchanged numbers and I know I told her every Thursday (I would see her at our Women’s Bible Study every week) that I would call her tomorrow. Tomorrow turned into about a month and finally Marissa said, “You’ve been saying that for about a month now. I’ll believe it when it happens.” Ouch! Did you feel that? Yep, that stinging sensation when someone calls you out and they’re right. Ugh!

I can’t remember if I sent a text or sent a Facebook message but the following Wednesday I was ringing Marissa’s doorbell. She thought I was coming to talk dairy allergies. Wrong! I had checked out Marissa’s blog and was thinking of becoming a blogger myself. Not only that, I was feeling as though I was being called into the ministry but wasn’t sure what to do.

That afternoon, I poured my heart out to Marissa about friendships, blogging, and ministry and quite honestly, if it wasn’t for help, I probably wouldn’t have started blogging (or KEPT blogging or RETURNED to blogging).

For the past year, Marissa and I have shared so many of our passions. We’ve shared our dreams and found that they are quite similar. Our dreams have been both big and small, achievable in a day and achievable in the long run, and some have seemed impossible. But God… I love those two words together. It usually means God is about to show how awesome He is!

There are times when Marissa and I have thought that our aspirations were pointless and silly. Furthermore, there are times when we thought our aspirations were “self-serving” but God always had a way of using us to speak words of encouragement to each other. God also let us know that it’s okay to have aspirations, or dreams, and that it’s not “self-serving” to want to speak and share what God has laid on our hearts through public speaking or blogging. We learned that it’s perfectly okay to dream in God’s will.

Proverbs 27:17 states, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Marissa has been that friend to me and I have been that friend to her.

What Marissa and I have realized is that there are many women out there who have things they want to achieve to, big or small, all aspirations matter. However, not all of those women have people in the circle who encourage them to go after whatever it is that they want. And that got us to thinking………. and thinking……….. and thinking some more.

So, here is what we came up with:

1. It’s okay to aspire towards something. Dreaming about doing more or being more isn’t selfish or outside of God’s will. My friend Ashley shared this quote by Erma Bombeck regarding her business, JubeeleeArt, it states, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would have a single bit of talent left, and could say, I used everything you gave me.”
2. You have to be relentless. Not everything comes easy and it may not be handed to you. That doesn’t mean it’s not for you. I can’t begin to tell you how many times we wanted to give up blogging, speaking, even ADULTING!  But you have to keep going.
3. Truth. God’s word is the truth. Matthew 6:33 states, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

 

Those three things are the core of our BIG THING!

In February 2017 join us for our first conference, the Aspire Relentless Truth (A.R.T.) Conference! This conference is open to all women who have aspirations big or small and want to join a circle of women who can share how they have achieved their dreams, are working toward their dreams, and women who may be at the beginning of realizing what their dreams are. We hope that you will join us! More details to come…..

The Signs Were There…

It’s been way too long, friends, way too long! I disconnected, there’s a reason, and haven’t been back since. But my gosh how much I missed my blog!

Around the last time you heard from me was October, as I was participating in a writing challenge to post something everyday for the month of October. Well, clearly I didn’t finish the challenge but that’s okay. Better luck next time, Charlie!So where have I been? Well, I’m not really good at hiding the truth so here goes…

WARNING*** THE FOLLOWING CAN BE CLASSIFIED AS TMI. ***WARNING

Well, on October 1st I started what I believed to be my menstrual cycle. I had just stopped nursing my youngest little Bee in September so I wasn’t surprised. To me, the bleeding was normal and nothing out of the ordinary as far as flow. What did strike me as different was the fact that I actually had a day seven, when normally my cycle is three to five days. However, I hadn’t had a cycle in over a year and figured my body was just reprogramming itself. Day eight rolled around and it seemed as though it was over. I went on about my day as normal without wearing any type of product to protect my clothing. BIG MISTAKE!

I husband and I had enrolled in a class at church and as I was dropping the girls off in childcare I felt a large gush. I quickly walked to the nearest restroom and I was totally confused. My jeans were stained in the but I had on a shirt long enough to cover. I cleaned myself up so and fixed my clothes so that I could walk out of church with my head held high and go home. The bleeding continued for four more days before I gave my dad, a physician’s assistant who practices family medicine a call on that Friday. (Now for some, this may be strange that I called my dad, that’s fine. However, he does “exams” on women on a daily basis and he’s my dad. I know he’ll look out for my best interest and give great medical advice.)

“Dad, I need you to think of me as a patient and not as your daughter,” I start off. “My cycle has been on for 9 days and I think it’s because I just stopped nursing Braelynn. It’s never lasted this long and the flow isn’t light, it’s heavy and there’s clotting. Do you think I should call my doctor?”

“Yes, definitely give her a call and see if she can get you in soon. Most likely, Erika, she’s going to “restart” your cycle by starting you on some form of birth control. Or are you already on birth control,” he asks.

“No, I’m not,” I respond.

“Erika, what?! Girl, you are going to get pregnant again and very fast,” he states.

To which I reply, “Dad, I’ve been nursing and I didn’t need it.”

“Erika, you are going to be pregnant,” he says again. (sign #1)

And of course my know-it-all self said (with a lot of sass I might add), “No, I’m not. I literally just stopped nursing and it’s worked up until now so I think I’m good.”

We hung up the phone and I called a couple of OBGYN’s in the area and all of them were booked until January for new patients. (I refused to see my last OBGYN for various reasons, another blog post for that.) So I called my primary doctor on Monday, who was able to see the following day, day 13 of the bleeding.

That Tuesday I went in and did the normal preliminary weigh-in, blood pressure check, temperature and etc. My blood pressure was somewhere around 114/74 and I remember the nurse asking me if that was normal for me. Without giving it a second thought, I replied, “Only when I’m pregnant.” (sign #2….Are you smelling what I’m cooking here?)

The nurse left and came back a couple of minutes later and asked if I could give a urine sample to which I did. (sign #3)

Let me pause here, while I’m signaling the signs for you, let me just tell you I did not recognize the signs for the life of me!

My doctor came in and asked questions about what I was experiencing and then she asked me, “Are you sexually active?” People, is it just me or do you get uncomfortable when a doctor ask you even when you’re married?!

“Well, your urine test came back positive for pregnancy and your numbers are pretty high so I’ll put you right around four to five weeks,” she states.

It’s a good thing I didn’t lie and tell her no regarding being sexually active but I did say, “That’s not possible.” I’m a smart gal, ain’t I?!

She sent me to have blood work done to be sure and she called the following day, Wednesday, to confirm the blood test also showed I was pregnant and my numbers were high. She then worked on getting me a referral to an OBGYN.

The following day, Wednesday and day 14 of bleeding, I was in bible study when I received a phone call from my doctor stating she had found a doctor for me (a great one, too) and to expect a call from them. A couple of minutes later, my phone rang again and it was my new OBGYN’s nurse calling to get some preliminary information. I know the women in bible study class probably thought I was acting strange. Although my phone was on silent, I think the nurse may have called me two to three times and I kept having to get up and walk out of the room. An appointment was set for sometime in November, I can’t remember the date but I remember thinking, “What am I supposed to do between now and then?”

I remember waking up in the middle of the night freezing cold and literally being mad at my husband for turning the air conditioner on so high, that is until I pulled back the covers and realized I covered in wet clothes from sweating so much during my sleep. I got to use the bathroom and change clothes, there were clots everywhere and I started to panic. Keep in mind, I’ve been bleeding for 14 days now, I’m pregnant, I don’t see my OBGYN for at least another four weeks. I can’t even be excited about this pregnancy because I don’t know if I have a reason to. Am I miscarrying? I have no clue what is going on.

That afternoon, I started feeling faint and my husband took me to the emergency room. After running a few tests and a vaginal ultrasound, the emergency room doctor told me my hCG levels which were higher than they were a couple of days earlier, a good sign. He also told me that the bleeding was caused by a left subchorionic hemorrhage. He also went on to say that I was maybe having what some would call “a threatened miscarriage” but he couldn’t say for sure. Well, that made me feel a lot better . I was told to give my doctor a call the following day and inform her of what was going on, which I did the following day.

On October 19th, day 19 of bleeding, I was back in the emergency room again. This time I semi-fainted and ended up in a wheelchair. I’ve never been good at getting my blood drawn and I normally do feel sick but never before have I actually dropped before. The same tests were run as before, including an ultrasound but this time a pelvic exam was also conducted. This emergency room doctor was a lot more informative and was very encouraging. Again, my hCG numbers had increased and the baby was still there. He confirmed the subchorionic hemorrhage and he also made a call to my doctor’s office to see if he could get me in sooner. He did say what the other doctor said as far as it being a threatened miscarriage but he also said it was common.

I remember after leaving the emergency room that time, I just prayed about it. Although I started reading information about subchorionic hemorrhages and found that it was very common and most women went on to have healthy babies, I still was worried.

The bleeding lasted for 28 days, I know this because it started October 1st and ended October 28th.

Unlike my previous two pregnancies, I have held onto this pregnancy news for well into my second trimester, to the point I already know the sex of the baby. Although tests and ultrasounds show we have a healthy baby, the beginning of this pregnancy made me want to be extremely cautious. I only told my immediate family and my closest friends. I didn’t want to have to suffer the pain of telling others and then having to report bad news later. The women in bible study group did know and they gathered around me and prayed over me. I know those prayers worked.

Regarding my blog, from mid-October to the first part of November I was just a nervous wreck and worried. Then it had been so long since I wrote anything, I started to question whether I should even continue.

So, how is everything today? Is everything okay?

Everything is great! Our family is excited to announce we will be having a beautiful baby girl join our crew the first week in June! That’s right, another girl! LOL!

I pray all has been well with all of you and I’m excited to get back to blogging, as well as some other great and exciting things that are coming up soon.

Now, about the blog name The Three Bees and Me…any suggestions?

 

For more information on a subchorionic hemorrhage or hematoma, click here http://www.justmommies.com/articles/subchorionic-hematoma.shtml 

Day 16: On Assignment

I think almost every writer, singer, speaker, actor, and you name it has experienced this. This what? This great idea that you’re going immediately blow up overnight because you have either written the best book ever written, sang a song better than it’s ever been sung before, or given the greatest on-screen performance since Scarlet Ohara’s, “I’ll never go hungry again”, and so on. But then…crickets. I’ve been there,  I’ve experienced these great expectations, and I’ve been disappointed.

So what do you do?

Keep writing, keep singing, keep speaking, keep acting, and keep doing what you have been led to do. Here are three things that have helped me to keep going on with my assignment.

PRAY                                                                                                 

I can’t tell you what you should say to God but I will share with you my prayer. God, thank you so much for blessing me with he ability to express myself through writing. Thank you for the opportunity to share who You are with others. God, I pray that the message that You would have each individual receive be of encouragement to them. I pray Lord that I would hear your voice and that you would impart your wisdom on me.  I pray, Lord, that at least one person gains something from these words. Lord,help me forget about my ego and remember it’s about you. I thank you for all these things in advance. Amen.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER, FLOCK TOGETHER  

It’s a good idea to have people who are in the same boat in your inner circle. These are going to the people who “get it” and you need them. Here’s the truth, as much as your family and friends love you, they’re not necessarily always going to be the most supportive. Having friends who have either “been there, done that” or at the same exact stage in the game is important. Ahh, I almost forgot this, make sure you are helping those coming after you, too. For me, my flock includes a fellow blogger, a stationary designer, my book editor, and one friend who isn’t into any of this stuff but she comments on every post (look for her, you’ll find her easily, LOL). Mom, don’t fret, you’re included!

REMEMBER YOUR ASSIGNMENT, DAILY  

For me personally, I feel God has given me heart that wants to help women and their spiritual growth. I try to make sure every post ends with words of encouragement. I don’t want to talk about problems for the sake of talking about them, I want to help offer solutions on how to deal with them, too. To me, that’s the assignment that God has laid on my heart. Now, if God sees fit that this blog should gain more followers, that’s great. I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t think about it but I have to remind myself on a daily basis that what I write is bigger than little ol’ me. I have to remind myself of my assignment and remember my “why”.

Day 15: Three Blogs and Three Apps You Should Check Out

Today I wanted to share with you some of my favorite blogs and mobile apps. Check them out below and you can even click on the title of each to take you directly to the website or to download. I’d love to hear from you what your favorite apps and blogs are, so don’t be afraid to comment. I hope you enjoy these as much as I do!

Little Lights of Mine by Ayesha Curry

As Ayesha tells it, she’s a Canadian born, Charlotte, NC raised wife and mommy currently living in San Francisco. Her family is her heartbeat and she’s been blessed to be able to work from home, raise two little girls and be a loving wife to her husband Stephen. She loves the Lord, food, and her family. Ayesha started this blog to witness, exchange recipes, stories and document the daily happenings in her life. I love this blog because Ayesha’s realness and joy are palatable through the computer screen.

Honey Flavored Lemonade

This blog belongs to one of my very good friends, Marissa. I first heard about Marissa through a mutual friend who told me I should contact her when I learned my youngest daughter had a dairy allergy. When I finally met Marissa at my church’s weekly Bible study, I got her number and every week for two months, I told her I would call her. Finally, one day as we were leaving the study, I told her I would call. She said, “I’ll believe that when it happens, you’ve been saying that every week.” I got in my car in the church parking lot and sent her text, pretty much inviting myself over her house the following day. She’s been my buddy ever since! Her blog is covers everything from faith and inspiration, to book reviews, home maintenance, photography, and recipes geared for those who have allergies to dairy, nuts, and you name it. My favorite part of her blog are her Front Porch Truths, where her honesty about life will make you want to laugh, cry, and say, “Yes, me too!”

A Kelective Muse

A Kelective Muse is your one stop place for everything that has to do with fashion, all while on a budget.  The purpose of Kelly’s blog is to inspire you to become bold, fearless and confident within your own personal style. As Kelly states, ” Shop smarter. Love harder. Budget better. Be inspired.” She even offers personal style services for people in the NYC area but fret not my friends, email consultations are available too, so distance isn’t a factor. One thing I must add, before I met Kelly, I knew of her through her modeling pictures, the girl is gorgeous. However, as beautiful as she is on the outside, she is ten times more beautiful on the inside, an absolute heart of gold.

She Reads Truth

She Reads Truth is an online community of women who study God’s word together daily through the app, web site, or just by using the #SheReadsTruth hashtag on social media. Not only are there daily devotionals but there are also lock screens, reading plans, bookmarking and journaling capabilities, additional free and paid devotional reading plans, and so much more.

First 5

I love this app! The vision for First 5 was developed by Proverbs 31 Ministries in order to connect a woman’s heart to God’s Word the First 5 minutes of her day. First 5 will wake you up with a short teaching first thing in the morning, so you can exchange whispers with God before shouts with the world. It’s way too easy to fall into the trap of being “too busy” to spend time with God and honestly, we owe Him a lot more than five minutes. However, five minutes is better than no time at all. So before you hop out of the bed in the morning, spend time with God, there’s no better way to start your day.

Echo Prayer App

 Echo was created to help organize and keep a list of prayers, and in turn help you remember all the things you need to pray for when life gets busy. For me personally, this app has helped me become more detailed in my prayer life. For example, I used to literally say, “God, I pray for my marriage,” but what exactly I wanted God to do for my marriage was not being expressed. Of course, pen and paper can do the trick too, but if you like technology this app is great. There’s even an icon to check off answered prayers.

Day 7: Stop Your Complaining and Suck It Up!

As I write this, I’m literally shaking my head and rolling my eyes at myself. I’m so serious right now. On an earlier post in the writing challenge, a friend wrote on Facebook, “Your posts always hit me personally in some kind of way and I just want you to know in a loving way I hate you for that.” Well, friend, let me tell you, Iit pains me to write what I’m about to write but sometimes the truth hurts. Please let me add this disclaimer, too, a lot of my writing content is directed more at me than anyone else, just keep that in mind as you read.

So here goes, “Stop your complaining and suck it up!”

Complaining about what, you ask?

I’ve been blessed with the awesome opportunity to stay at home and raise my two girls since they were born. While I know it’s a huge blessing, sometimes, I complain about it. Okay, maybe a little more than sometimes.

Do you know what my biggest complaint is? That it is a never-ending job with no breaks in-between and I have no time to myself. I mean, I can’t even use the bathroom alone. And let’s not mention what people think we do versus reality. I’ll never forget a well-meaning friend once said, “Well, we all have to work so you’re the only one who has the time to go to this place.” Forgive them, for they know not what they say, le sigh.

On a serious note, I’m embarrassed to even tell you all of this because I know that there are lots of women who would love to stay home with their kids but they have to work. I also know that there are women who would love to have kids, period. When I complain about “never getting a break” I know that there are far worse problems out there in the world. With all this being said, I came across a particular scripture today, that I wasn’t even searching for.  When I read it, I felt like I was politely being  reprimanded by my Heavenly Father. He does that sometimes, you know, just corrects you when you don’t even know (or want to admit) you need correcting.

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

My word, did you catch that? Not only has He given very specific instructions to “keep these words on our heart and teach them diligently”but He also left the times we are to do this.  Read it again, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them WHEN you sit in your house, and WHEN you walk by the way, and WHEN you lie down, and WHEN you rise.”

I guess He never promised us it would be easy, huh? I hear ya, Father, I hear ya.

Father, thank you just for being who You are. For your love, kindness, and even your gentle correcting. Forgive me for complaining and not seeing the blessing in my role as a mother. Help me become more of a Proverbs 31 woman as a mother.  Thank you for my children and the opportunity to teach them about You. Praises unto You, forever and always. Amen.