Slip and Slide

The other night I felt like quite the accomplished mother having put the girls in bed bathed and fed at exactly 9pm.

I’m on the phone talking to my husband and he asks, “How long have the girls been sleep?” To which I proudly respond, “I don’t know how long they’ve been sleep but it’s been silent for the past ten minutes. SCORE!” We both laugh and continue our conversation. Not even a minute passes after my major “score” announcement and I hear little voices coming from upstairs.

“Uh, let me call you back in a couple of minutes,” I tell my husband, “I hear the girls.” I quickly trot up the stairs and look in their room, only to find empty beds. Cross the hallway over to my room and there they are staring at me with mischievous eyes and sly smiles as they have taken every single baby wipe out of the container and placed a very neat pile on my bed. Do you know how many baby wipes come in a container?!

In the best momma voice I can muster, “Out of my room and into your beds, AND you better not get out of your beds again!” I lock the child gate and hustle back downstairs, again, feeling accomplished. I mean, have you heard my mommy voice?! It’s something fierce I tell you!

I make it back downstairs just in time to pick the baby  up before she goes into full-out wailing because she’s ready to be nursed. And then, not even three minutes later…

“Mommy, I have to use the bathroom. Mommy, open the gate, I have to pee.” Did I mention the toilet upstairs is clogged?

I place the baby, Berrington, back into the swing and she starts crying as I head upstairs. I politely open the gate and step to the side to let Bellamy go down the stairs but she just stares at me and starts grimacing.

“Bellamy, go! Go down the stairs,” I tell her and she doesn’t move. The trickling sound I dread begins and I look down at the puddle starting to surround her feet. “Bellamy, no. No, Bellamy,” I say, knowing full and well it’s too late.

Then I hear the sound of another tiny person with heavy feet running my way. I look up to see Braelynn running out of my room. It seems to happen in slow motion and in real-time simultaneously, before I can stop her, Braelynn, in her quest to make it back to her room before I catch her (too late, kid) runs out of my room straight across the hallway to her room. But as fate would have it, her dash to home base is abruptly interrupted by the fresh warm puddle of urine left by her sister.

D

 

O

 

W

 

N

 

DOWN, DOWN, SHE GOES!! (Like my visual effect, there?)

You know what makes it a little better? She doesn’t just go DOWN, she also slides right through that bad boy!

For a brief moment, Bellamy and I make eye contact and I can tell she doesn’t know whether to cry for peeing on herself or laugh at the hilarity of Braelynn slipping in it. We both smile for a quick second but we quickly realize we can’t break character and must play our roles.

Then I do the only thing I really can at this stage of the game. I give them both a good bath and send them off to bed.

Funny story, huh? Today I can laugh about it but at the time it wasn’t THAT funny to me. I was quite honestly annoyed and frustrated. My husband was away on business and I had three kids all under three years old who all grasped for my undivided attention in some form or fashion.

When reflecting about that night, it made me think of Christ, our Savior.

How often do we act like children? We go against His will for us, doing things we know we shouldn’t do. We have “accidents” that He has to clean up for us time and time again.

I like The Message translation of Titus 3:3-8 because it puts it out there as boldly and plain as can be:

It wasn’t so long ago that we ourselves were stupid and stubborn, dupes of sin, ordered every which way by our glands, going around with a chip on our shoulder, hated and hating back. But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, he saved us from all that. It was all his doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God’s gift has restored our relationship with him and given us back our lives. And there’s more life to come—an eternity of life! You can count on this.

Notice the parts I underlined?

God is loving, He is merciful, and He gives grace.

And sometimes when He reminds us of His love for us through our kids, he also reminds us He has a sense of humor.

Hope you had a good laugh and good reminder of God’s redeeming love through this post! Smile, God loves you!

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

A couple of nights ago,  I had to “check myself”, I mean literally have a “keeping it real” talk with myself. I assure you I’m not crazy, or at least I haven’t been diagnosed yet. I came across a post on social media where an acquaintance was talking about how great her first day of work went after taking off for maternity leave. She spoke of how she missed her job and the responsibility that comes with it. As I was reading through the comments, I felt myself starting to get upset and dare I say, offended. The other moms said things like, “I have the best of both worlds being a working woman and a mom”, “Working and being a mom made a better woman out of me”, and so on and so on. 

People, hear me when I tell you, I was so close to writing about how stay-at-home-moms (SAHM) are just as good and blah, blah, blah, blah. Listen, I’m embarrassed now just sharing this with you but what can I say, it happened. So, back to the story. Now I was about to defend all stay at home moms everywhere across the world, when that little voice of reason popped into my head. The conversation between me, myself, and I went like this…

“Erika,” said self.

“Uh, yes,” I respond.

My voice of reason asks, “Erika, can you tell me where any of those moms said something about you?”

“Right there! Right there she said she’s a better woman for it and….,” my stubborn self responds.

“But where did any one of them directly compare themselves to YOU? Furthermore, where did they mention stay-at-home-moms at all? Please, show me where they typed out E-R-I-K-A or where they said one mom is better than the other? I’ll wait on you to show me,”said self.

Talk about a swift kick in the butt!

My own insecurities about my own self worth as a stay-at-home-mom completely got the best of me. As Ice Cube says, “You betta check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self” and I seriously had to get myself in check.

To be clear, I know my worth as a stay-at-home-mom and what this means to my family, not just my girls but to my husband, too. But sometimes I struggle with going between caring and not caring what other people think of SAHM’s. There are so many stereotypes out there that I sometimes feel I need to defend myself and name off all of my credentials gained outside the home. However, that’s MY struggle. I had to realize that  getting upset with what those women posted had nothing to do with them but everything to do with me. I was feeling insecure about my place in this world as a SAHM, that’s not their fault! But how easy it was to take offense when it was completely unnecessary. Can anyone relate?

After I had this revelation, it got me to thinking about how often so many of us do this to ourselves? We take personal offense to general statements made by others that have completely nothing to with us as individuals. So often, we compare ourselves to others, forgetting that God has something for them to do, just like He has something for you and me. We don’t all get assigned the same tasks and that’s perfectly okay. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that we fulfill our purpose for God by allowing Him to use us wherever He has placed us.

The second and final point is this, sometimes we really do have to put ourselves in check.

*1 Corinthians 11:31 states, 31 But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged. 

Although it’s “funny” to say, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself” there is a truth behind the importance of doing so. I highlighted the words “judged ourselves” because I want to focus on the meaning. According to Strong’s Concordance, or Blue Letter Bible, judged ourselves has a few meanings, which are:

a. to separate, make a distinction, discriminate, to prefer
b. to learn by discrimination, to try, decide
c. to determine, give judgment, decide a dispute
d. to withdraw from one, desert
e. to separate one’s self in a hostile spirit, to oppose, strive with dispute, contend
f. to be at variance with one’s self, hesitate, doubt

As you can see, I highlighted the last meaning, f., because I feel it most closely applies to the message. I had to literally go against myself and my initial thoughts in order to put myself “in check”and I’m so glad I did. Could you imagine how silly I would’ve looked if I would have commented about how SAHM’s are just as happy and content? Thank goodness my voice of reason stepped in and helped me judge myself and in turn, prevented me from being judged by others as an overly sensitive, get over yourself, crazy SAHM. 

If I could sum up the point of this post, I guess it could be summed up in two points. Number one, everyone has something they are called to do. If God has placed you somewhere, stay there, enjoy it and be blessed by it. Number two, sometimes you need to put yourself in check and “keep it real” with yourself.

Praying for you always! Be blessed.

*Please remember when reading scripture to always read the verses before and after to understand the context. The verse I pulled from is talking about the act of communion and being of a clear mind and heart but I thought the verse was applicable to the post. Thanks!*

Who Are You Fleeing To, Married One?

A couple of days ago, I sat down in my office chair as I was reading a text from a dear friend whose marriage is at a crossroads. I put my phone down without responding because I wasn’t sure what to say at the time. I wanted my words to be ones that would uplift and encourage her, not feed into her despair. I grabbed my Jar of Promises (check out my previous blog, 3 Motivational Things…), a container full of verses to look up that contain God’s promises.  My daughter asked if she could pick the scripture this particular day and I let her. She picked the first one right off the top and I’ll be honest and say I wanted her to dig in there a little more but she didn’t. Thank God she picked the scripture she did.

This is for my friend, she knows who she is, and anyone else who may be at a crossroads in their marriage.

Hebrews 6: 17-18 (ESV)  17 So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed with an oath, 18 so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us.

This particular scripture is referring to God’s promise to Abraham and his descendants. However, when I read this scripture I believe that the same God who wanted to show Abraham His unchangeable character is the same God we serve today.

When we are in the midst of troubling times, we have two choices to make (For my own testimony on hard times, check out Perfect and Ideal ). The first option we have, is to believe in ourselves and our ability to fix things. The thing we must ask ourselves with option number one is what is our track record? Is it perfect? Sure, we can make decisions that provide us with an immediate feeling of relief but what about the long run, do those decisions always pay out in the long run? We live in a world where we’re taught if we’re not happy with our spouse, leave and move on to the next person who will make us happy. We treat marriage as though it’s the same as dating and we end our marriages the same way we ended our relationship with our high school boyfriend. We’re outta here at the first sign of trouble.

The second option is to do as verse 18 states and “flee for refuge so that we might have strong encouraging to hold fast to the hope set before us”. While this may seem like an oxymoron, sometimes fleeing means sitting absolutely still, praying and waiting. Flee to God in prayer for your marriage, asking Him to not only heal your marriage and not just change your spouse but to change you as well, none of us are perfect.

When we say our marriage vows, we are entered into a holy covenant, an agreement. I think so often we forget that when we enter into this covenant with our spouse that there is a third-party present, God. Sadly, because we forget that He is just as much a part of our marriage as the man and woman themselves, we easily fall into the trap of believing there is no hope. But friends, God’s character is unchangeable and if we are believers like we say we are, then we have got to hold fast to God’s promises to us. The question is who do you believe in more, God’s ability or your ability? Or maybe it isn’t that you doubt God’s ability but you doubt He will do it for you.

Hebrews 17 states, “So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed with an oath.” Friends, God created marriage to be a beautiful thing and I truly believe that God has a purpose for each and every one of us and for our marriages. But how can our full potential be reached in our marriages if we run in times of trouble? Could God’s desire be to show you just as convincingly as He did with the Israelites the promise of His unchangeable character through your marriage. If everything is always great, where is the opportunity for growth and refinement? Where is the opportunity to see God move and work in only ways He can if we don’t give Him the chance (and His timing) to do it? I love this image I came across on Facebook the other day, particularly the last line and it states, “They become”. Friends, marriage takes work, hard work and we (husbands/wives) can’t do it alone. Just as God guaranteed with an oath in Hebrews verse 17, our wedding vows are too an oath that our Father enters in with us. We need Him to help us, especially in times of trouble.

 

Friends, I am here to encourage you in marriages today. While well-meaning friends and family members will agree with you and concur that your spouse is not fulfilling their duty, that feeling of validation does nothing to save your marriage. Instead, I encourage you  to turn to God, flee to God for refuge and let Him show you how if you depend on Him,  He will fulfill his promise to you because He doesn’t lie and His character is unchangeable.

I reached out to two of my friends and I would like to share their testimonies with you.

Friend #1 shared this:

The first year of my marriage, the word divorce came up probably every other week. I was pregnant with our first child and on our first anniversary we were living separately (We didn’t even get to eat our wedding cake that we had kept frozen from that special day).
Although we had dated for about 7 years before marriage, somehow we were not making it as husband and wife. We had premarital counseling and received approval to be married.

Trouble came because things that we disagreed about during counseling started to appear during the marriage. One of the major disagreements was that my husband felt like he shouldn’t have to come home at a decent hour. He wanted to hang out with his friends as if he was still single. I didn’t have a problem with him hanging with his friends, I just wanted him home at a decent hour. That became a huge problem in our marriage and caused many arguments. So my response to his actions was divorce. My husband would get mad when I would bring up the dreadful “d-word”.  I couldn’t understand my husband.  He didn’t want a divorce but he didn’t want to compromise with me either.

Of course I believed in God and prayer but the flesh in me called my mom and dad first. Both of my parents listened to me and they never suggested divorce. I remember thinking, “Dang, why am I the only one trying to solve this by getting a divorce?” I would pray and ask God to help me because I didn’t know what to do. Months went by and of course, being as pregnant, I shed a lot of tears. This situation added so much stress to my life. I couldn’t fathom the possibility that I was going to give birth to a child and bring her into a broken home. I believe that was my breaking point, I didn’t want to raise my child as a single parent because I grew up in a single parent home.

At this point my prayers began to change, I started to pray for my husband. I was being selfish in my previous prayers because I only asked God to help me! After many prayers for myself, my husband, our marriage and our child, my situation started to turn around. My husband called me one day and said that he wanted to come home. After a of couple dates and long conversations about making the necessary changes to fix our marriage, he came home.

This year we will celebrate our 7th year anniversary! Oh and yes we have small disagreements, but divorce is never apart of the discussion. Most disagreements we can fix on our own, but if not we take it to God in prayer!

Friend #2 shared this:

My husband and I have always had a pretty solid marriage until this recent 3rd year. Things became very stressful. His sense of job security became very shaky when another company came in for a buyout, and it began to affect our entire marriage. Not knowing the entire story (because it takes time for my husband to get things out of his system) I could not understand the stress that he was going through. I felt like my husband did not want me or didn’t even love me. Many things that I’d never thought about before began to creep into my head… is he cheating on me? Why doesn’t he love me? Did I marry the wrong man? Should we get a divorce? The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy and I was allowing him to put his foot into the door. I then even considered stepping out, myself, on my husband.

I spoke with my best friend… who told me she would pray for me and that I needed to pray harder for my marriage, but more specifically, my husband. It was the turn of the year and I decided to fast and pray to save my marriage… not knowing what to expect. At the very beginning of my fast, the movie “War Room” was on demand and it was if God himself was speaking right to me. The #1 thing that I learned was that my husband is not the enemy. Satan is the enemy. Anytime I felt like blaming, complaining or criticizing my husband, I decided to pray for him instead. I begin to fight the enemy, not my husband. Almost instantly, my marriage improved.

My husband and I have dedicated to having one night out the week for family night with no screens and no interruptions where we solely focus on each other. We recently went on a marriage retreat where we were reminded of why we loved each other so much in the first place and we’re looking forward to a nice vacation in the Caribbean this summer and celebrating our 3rd year anniversary. Things have not changed at his job just yet, but we’ve changed as a married couple. It’s amazing how we went from 3 months in such a dark place to feeling like newlyweds again! God has definitely been our answer. And why that may seem cliché to most couples, we have definitely found prayer and God to be the key to our successful marriage.

Can I tell you something? Neither one of these friends saw the other’s response but do you see the commonality, here?

I pray this helps one person in some small capacity. Praying for you always, friends!

 

 

Additional Resources to Consider:

War Room DVD (There is also a Bible study in addition to the movie.)

Armor of God Bible Study by Priscilla Shirer

40 Lessons from 40 Years of Marriage

Sacred Marriage Series of Books

Boundaries in Marriage

Love Dare

 

Social Media and Race

It’s something you see everyday if you’re on any type of social media. I look through my Facebook timeline and it reminds me of a tennis match. One “side” serves and the “other” side hits back. “Oh yeah, well take this,” the other player hits back again. “Not good enough,” the other side shouts back, “this post will get ya!”

Tennis Player 1: Black Lives Matter

Tennis Player 2: All lives matter

Tennis Player 2: Beyonce’s Racist Super Bowl Show

Tennis Player 1: Beyonce’s Performance More Than Just a Good Show

Tennis Player 1: White Cop Shoots Unarmed Black Man

Tennis Player 2: Black Man Shoots Off-Duty White Cop

Tennis Player 1: If This Offends You and Not This, You’re a Racist

Tennis player 2: If This Offends You and Not This, You’re a Racist (Yes, I purposely put this for both players.)

And so the never-ending tennis match continues on and on, on and on, and on, and on, and on, and…..on.

This isn’t to say that race, racism (on both sides), and differing culture beliefs shouldn’t be discussed. But here’s the thing, it’s NOT being DISCUSSED.  Instead, people are shouting from behind computer screens in efforts to shout a little louder than the other side. It reminds me of that song, “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better”, you know, the one sung by children.

Here are my questions:

What purpose does posting news story after news story serve? Awareness? I think people are aware. And I personally think it’s counterproductive no matter who it’s coming from.

If someone is or isn’t offended by something, or speaks out about something, and so on…is “racist” the only label we can come up with?

Can someone make an ignorant statement and not be deemed a racist? And while we’re on it, let’s stop being offended by the term ignorant. Ignorant means lacking knowledge or information about something. A little while ago, someone said, “Next time that happens, you should go all black on them.” Ignorant statement? Yes. Racist person? Not so much.  Have I made ignorant statements before? Sure. I remember years ago, a couple of coworkers invited me out and the first question I asked was, “Will there be any other black people there?” Ignorant question on my end? Ugh, do I have to admit it? Okay, yes. Did the question make me a racist? No. They were both offended but guess what, they asked me about it and we discussed it. I was able to share my reasoning for asking the question and they were able to share why it offended them.

More questions to ponder: Are you a part of the problem or a part of the solution? Because quite honestly, if all you’re doing is shouting for your “team” on social media you’re helping your team lose. Wait, did you catch that? You’re both losing.

(If you’re a believer, than really you should know that we are really ONE team and that this whole thing is a scheme by the enemy, but I’ll digress.)

 

Here’s the thing, either you are a part of the problem or you’re a part of the solution. It’s that simple. If you’re not trying to find a solution, you’re fighting a losing battle and you my friend, are a part of the problem.

Now let me pause, the solution is not to ignore it, say it doesn’t exist or say that talking about it further perpetuates it. It can’t be ignored, it DOES exist, and not talking about it is like letting a forest fire continue to burn, eventually it gets out of control. Sex trafficking, poverty, hunger, and unemployment won’t resolve themselves and ignoring those things doesn’t make them go away, same goes for the racial climate that exist today.

Instead of posting away behind your screen, why not pray and ask God how you can be apart of the solution and not the problem? Why not start a conversation with someone whose viewpoint may differ from yours so that BOTH of you can be enlightened? Ask God to open your ears so that you can actually listen and not just hear what the other person is saying. Ask God to open your heart so that even if you don’t agree, maybe you can understand the other point of view. Pray that the other person will do the same for you, open their ears and listen. Pray that they will attempt to understand you, even if they don’t agree. Ask God to help you go into the conversation with a heart towards finding a solution and not with a heart to make the other person agree with YOUR stance.

The truth is that things won’t get better until there is an open dialogue, a conversation, and not a shouting match. So make a decision now, either you can keep the tennis match going or you can put your racket down and work toward something that can actually benefit your “opponent” AND you. Let’s stop letting the enemy use us to further perpetuate problems by posting antagonistic memes and news articles. Remember that saying that was out a couple of years ago, “What Would Jesus Do” (WWJD)? Well, what would He do? Pray about it.

Praying for you daily, love you!

 

 

God Doesn’t Leave Residue But You Do

You know what really bothers me? Memes like this one below.

 

I’ll tell you why.

Our God, our Father, Jesus Christ is not in the habit of leaving residue behind. However, you and I, we are in the business of leaving behind residue if everything were left up to us.

Let me explain.

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” This statement comes from the story of Joseph, Genesis 50:20, and if you read the ENTIRE verse, what it truly states is the following:

20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about [a]this present result, to preserve many people alive.

Do you know the story of Joseph? If you don’t please read it. You can find his story in Genesis 37-50 I’ve heard the story of Joseph so many times but I’ve been reminded of how awesome his story is as I’m completing the book, Seamless: Understanding the Bible as One Complete Story by Angie Smith.

For the purpose of this topic, here is a quick summary of Joseph’s story (but please, pick up your Bible and read the entire story).

Joseph was his father’s favorite and his brothers knew it. Joseph was also a little boastful and told his brothers that, according to the dreams God was giving him, they would one day bow to him as their King. Out of jealousy, his brothers sold him as a slave and told their father, Jacob, that he was killed by wild animals. Joseph started off as a slave in Egypt but through a series of events, Joseph eventually became second in command, only the Pharaoh was above him. Many years pass and thanks to God’s revelations to Joseph, Joseph was able to save Egypt from a severe famine that neighboring countries were suffering from, including the land of his brothers. (Again, I urge you to read the entire story for yourself.) Eventually, his brothers must travel to Egypt in order to buy food, or else their entire family, Joseph’s relatives, will die. Guess who these fellas have to see in order to purchase food to survive? Yep, you guessed it! Joseph. The brothers do not recognize him but Joseph knows who they are upon first sight but doesn’t reveal himself site yet. Eventually, Joseph does reveal himself to his brothers and they are one big happy family. No, I’m not being sarcastic here. They truly are one big happy family and his brothers, well really all of Joseph’s relatives, move to Egypt and live like royalty. I’m serious.

You see, Joseph recognized something that others would fail to recognize. Everything that happened  to Joseph…wait a sec. Folks, have I mentioned you should read the story of Joseph for yourself? I have? Oh good, because I left out a lot. Like how the pharaoh’s wife accused Joseph of raping her, yep that happened. So as I was saying, Joseph realized that everything that happened to him, especially the “bad” stuff was all part of God’s divine plan. Had Joseph not been sold into slavery and rose to the position he did, his brothers, the same ones that sold him into slavery, the same ones that lied to their father and said he was dead, those same brothers would have perished had it not been for Joseph, well really, had it not been for God. Joseph recognized that it was not about him, it was about his family and God keeping an old promise that He had hundreds of years before to a man named Abraham.

Let’s be honest here…If your siblings sold you into slavery, would you react like Joseph? The moment your siblings arrived needing food, would you cry tears of happiness or would you taunt them? Would you rub your “stature in life” in their face or freely share what you had? Would you remind them of what they did to you and hold it over their heads? I’ll go ahead and tell you, I would probably leave behind some residue and make sure that my siblings felt guilty about what they had done. Sure, I might give them the food they needed, of course I wouldn’t want them to starve to death. I’d probably even bring up the dream again and be like, “Hey, remember when I told you that you would bow down to me? Ha, look at ya!” Friends, I would leave residue.

You see, when God “handles” things, unlike us, He doesn’t leave behind residue.

Images like the one shown above and the one below is not what God is in the business of doing. Yes, He blesses us but not because we are necessarily deserving. And when He blesses us, He doesn’t necessarily do it to “get back at” someone else on your behalf. God blesses us because He loves us and cares for us. Also, I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but He even blesses those who have not necessarily always been kind to us. That person who just gets on your nerves so bad and the person who harmed you, yep, those people, God loves them too.

So what can be learned from all of this?

1. Get into The Word! So many scriptures get taken out of context for selfish reasons. One of the things we’re taught at my church is if given a scripture, read the scripture before and after it.
2.  If someone has wronged you, pray for them and pray for yourself. Pray that God will bless them as He has blessed you and that both of you will draw nearer to Him. Pray that God will give you the insight that Joseph had to see how even good things can come out of bad situations.
3. I love a good meme but be careful of the ones you post, especially when it pertains to God and what He’s doing. We serve a mighty big God, don’t put Him in the tiny box of just blessing little ol’ you and punishing others because that’s just YOUR residue.

Now, if you haven’t done so already, go read the story of Joseph. Love ya!

One more thing, I have to give credit where credit is due. I overheard my dad telling someone that if we leave things up to us, we’ll leave residue. He didn’t use the story of Joseph or any story from the Bible but he did say God doesn’t leave residue behind. For some reason, that just stuck with me. Just wanted to throw that in there.

 

 

Day 16: On Assignment

I think almost every writer, singer, speaker, actor, and you name it has experienced this. This what? This great idea that you’re going immediately blow up overnight because you have either written the best book ever written, sang a song better than it’s ever been sung before, or given the greatest on-screen performance since Scarlet Ohara’s, “I’ll never go hungry again”, and so on. But then…crickets. I’ve been there,  I’ve experienced these great expectations, and I’ve been disappointed.

So what do you do?

Keep writing, keep singing, keep speaking, keep acting, and keep doing what you have been led to do. Here are three things that have helped me to keep going on with my assignment.

PRAY                                                                                                 

I can’t tell you what you should say to God but I will share with you my prayer. God, thank you so much for blessing me with he ability to express myself through writing. Thank you for the opportunity to share who You are with others. God, I pray that the message that You would have each individual receive be of encouragement to them. I pray Lord that I would hear your voice and that you would impart your wisdom on me.  I pray, Lord, that at least one person gains something from these words. Lord,help me forget about my ego and remember it’s about you. I thank you for all these things in advance. Amen.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER, FLOCK TOGETHER  

It’s a good idea to have people who are in the same boat in your inner circle. These are going to the people who “get it” and you need them. Here’s the truth, as much as your family and friends love you, they’re not necessarily always going to be the most supportive. Having friends who have either “been there, done that” or at the same exact stage in the game is important. Ahh, I almost forgot this, make sure you are helping those coming after you, too. For me, my flock includes a fellow blogger, a stationary designer, my book editor, and one friend who isn’t into any of this stuff but she comments on every post (look for her, you’ll find her easily, LOL). Mom, don’t fret, you’re included!

REMEMBER YOUR ASSIGNMENT, DAILY  

For me personally, I feel God has given me heart that wants to help women and their spiritual growth. I try to make sure every post ends with words of encouragement. I don’t want to talk about problems for the sake of talking about them, I want to help offer solutions on how to deal with them, too. To me, that’s the assignment that God has laid on my heart. Now, if God sees fit that this blog should gain more followers, that’s great. I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t think about it but I have to remind myself on a daily basis that what I write is bigger than little ol’ me. I have to remind myself of my assignment and remember my “why”.

Day 10: Please, Don’t Ask Me When I’m Going Back to Work

If you could be anything in the world, do anything in the world, what would you do? Really think about that.  If doubt and fear didn’t exist, if there was a 100% guarantee that you’d succeed at your goal, what would you be doing right now? Feel free to respond in the comments, I’d love to hear from you.

Ever since I became a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM), I’ve been asked over and over again, “So, when do you plan on going back to work?” Parents, family members, former coworkers, friends, and others have asked this question. Now here’s the thing, I don’t mind answering the question the first time, not even the second time, but right around the third and beyond it literally makes my skin crawl.

Now, don’t get upset here because I am not saying this applies to everyone. Some people genuinely want to know if and when I plan on returning to work. Then there are the others. The ones who inadvertently imply that by staying home to raise your kids, you’re not actually working. Is staying home to raise my girls a privilege? Yes, I’m blessed to be able to do so. Is it easy? I’ll answer that with a question. If it is such an easy job, why do parents get so excited when the school year starts back every year? I’ll just leave that right there.

For the past year and a half, I have really been focusing on a career in writing. I have my blog of course, but I’ve also written a book, unpublished but written, and have started working on another book.  When people ask me if or when I’m returning to work, I usually say, “If you are referring to a regular 9 to 5 job, I’m not sure if that will happen again. I am really focusing on my writing and plan to make a living off of it.” Yet, even after I give this response, a couple of months later that question is asked again by the same people. Do you know what the bigger problem with this is? It’s not repeating myself or the lack of respect for the role of the SAHM, no, that’s not the bigger problem.

The bigger problem is that people have gotten stuck in the belief system that if you aren’t clocking into a computer and relying on someone else to verify that you worked and in turn,  pay you, it’s not work. Let’s be clear, there is nothing wrong with working for someone else and clocking into work, nothing at all, every single job is important. I’m not even saying I will never go back to work, never say never. However, it saddens me when people go off the beaten path, they’re encouraged to find a 9-to-5 job instead of encouraged to keep trying to succeed at what they’re passionate about.

The people who achieved the American Dream that is so often sought out, didn’t take the paths everyone else took. Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey, Colonel Sanders, Jim Carrey, Sidney Poitier, Michael Jordan, Theodor Seuss Giesel, and so many others were not the exception. Let me repeat, they are not the exception, they are just the ones who didn’t give up and they kept going, even when people probably asked them, “When are you going to work?”

Day 8: Don’t Drown

I have a friend, we’ll call her Ava, that is one of the nicest and coolest people you will ever meet, at least I think so. Ava’s hair always looks like she just walked out a salon, her nails are done every week, she is the best dressed person I know, and she only drives luxury cars. She also goes to some really awesome vacation spots. I guess one could say that her life looks pretty impressive. But here’s the thing, in order to “dress to impress” and create the illusion of the perfect life, she’ll skip a couple of months of rent and even miss a car payment, or two. Does she like doing this? No. But she feels like she has to keep up with her circle of friends and so she continues to live like this, hoping that it doesn’t catch up to her.

Now before you start thinking of how unwise her actions are, many Americans are in sinking in the same ship, even though they may have taken a different speed boat to get there. Credit cards, car loans, mortgages, student loans, medical bills and the list goes on have many Americans sinking in debt. Some go into debt blindly and some know exactly what they’re doing and take the gamble anyway. Some are like my friend Ava, she’s gone into debt in order to impress and keep up with others. Some people are like me and racked up student loan debt (should’ve studied to keep HOPE alive), and some people never thought they’d have a medical crisis and now owe hundreds of thousands of dollars in hospital bills. So many people are drowning.

I was catching up with a good friend of mine the other day who happens to work for a bank in the credit card division. “Erika, oh my gosh,” she says, “this has been so eye-opening. Like seriously, so many people are  drowning in debt. All people do is shop around for 0% interest introductory rates and they transfer their debt from one credit card to another. And Erika, I’m talking about $20,000 to $30,000 dollars of debt that they can’t pay off in a year, so they just keep transferring it. Do you know what’s really sad about it, too? They’re our age, Erika. They’re people with families and they get these credit cards for “emergencies” and just rack up debt. You know what I’ve learned, Erika? The best thing to do for emergencies is just to have a checking account or a savings account with your own money in it. It’s just so sad.”

So what’s my point? Well, the theme for October is Vulnerability and Growth. So, the truth I hate to admit is that we are like so many other Americans and we have a load of debt. Student loans and one open-heart surgery can do a brother and a sister in! But here’s the awesome part, the part where there’s growth, we are slowly but surely working ourselves out of it. For a long time, my husband and I were so overwhelmed that we became frozen and we didn’t do anything because we didn’t know what to do. My church kept offering these Financial Peace University courses by Dave Ramsey and although some friends of raved about it, we just didn’t think it would work for us. Why pay $100 for Financial Peace just to fatten the pocket of Dave Ramsey? Seriously, friends, that was our mindset. Then one day out of the blue my dad said, “You know what’s wrong with a lot of Americans when it comes to debt. They get stuck like a deer in headlights when they see their debt and they just freeze. They close their eyes because they are afraid to see it and hope that it will just go away on its own.” I don’t know if my dad knows this, he may have thought he was just “talking” but I’m telling you God used him because I signed up for Financial Peace University that very day. Best $100 investment I’ve probably ever made!

Now, I’m not trying to promote Financial Peace University or Dave Ramsey. I think it’s an amazing course and it is working for us. What I am trying to promote, however, is that if you are like many others, including me, that you sit down and come up with a plan of attack. Reach out for help, preferably not a bank who is trying to sale you something, but DO SOMETHING. Let me be the first to tell you, folks,  IT IS NOT EASY. It requires changing your mindset in order to change your behavior. That’s hard. But I keep thinking of Dave Ramsey’s quote, “Live like no one else today, so you can live like no one tomorrow.” Let that sink in.

Again, Financial Peace University is working for us, the added bonus is that it is biblically based. If you would like my information, click here Financial Peace University. I know that online courses are available but please consider attending a class in person, sometimes it’s really great to include that extra accountability that comes with meeting face to face.

Day 7: Stop Your Complaining and Suck It Up!

As I write this, I’m literally shaking my head and rolling my eyes at myself. I’m so serious right now. On an earlier post in the writing challenge, a friend wrote on Facebook, “Your posts always hit me personally in some kind of way and I just want you to know in a loving way I hate you for that.” Well, friend, let me tell you, Iit pains me to write what I’m about to write but sometimes the truth hurts. Please let me add this disclaimer, too, a lot of my writing content is directed more at me than anyone else, just keep that in mind as you read.

So here goes, “Stop your complaining and suck it up!”

Complaining about what, you ask?

I’ve been blessed with the awesome opportunity to stay at home and raise my two girls since they were born. While I know it’s a huge blessing, sometimes, I complain about it. Okay, maybe a little more than sometimes.

Do you know what my biggest complaint is? That it is a never-ending job with no breaks in-between and I have no time to myself. I mean, I can’t even use the bathroom alone. And let’s not mention what people think we do versus reality. I’ll never forget a well-meaning friend once said, “Well, we all have to work so you’re the only one who has the time to go to this place.” Forgive them, for they know not what they say, le sigh.

On a serious note, I’m embarrassed to even tell you all of this because I know that there are lots of women who would love to stay home with their kids but they have to work. I also know that there are women who would love to have kids, period. When I complain about “never getting a break” I know that there are far worse problems out there in the world. With all this being said, I came across a particular scripture today, that I wasn’t even searching for.  When I read it, I felt like I was politely being  reprimanded by my Heavenly Father. He does that sometimes, you know, just corrects you when you don’t even know (or want to admit) you need correcting.

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

My word, did you catch that? Not only has He given very specific instructions to “keep these words on our heart and teach them diligently”but He also left the times we are to do this.  Read it again, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them WHEN you sit in your house, and WHEN you walk by the way, and WHEN you lie down, and WHEN you rise.”

I guess He never promised us it would be easy, huh? I hear ya, Father, I hear ya.

Father, thank you just for being who You are. For your love, kindness, and even your gentle correcting. Forgive me for complaining and not seeing the blessing in my role as a mother. Help me become more of a Proverbs 31 woman as a mother.  Thank you for my children and the opportunity to teach them about You. Praises unto You, forever and always. Amen.

Day 6: Friendships and Heartbreak, Part 2

A couple of months back, I put myself out there and wrote a very heartfelt, vulnerable post called Friendships and Heartbreak. The funny thing about that piece is that I almost got cold feet and deleted the sucker. I literally started sweating the moment I clicked on publish and I had to walk away from the computer. In my mind, I knew people would laugh or say that girl is way too sensitive or who cares about what happened in third grade. However, the response was overwhelming! I can’t begin to tell you how many messages I received after posting it and it felt good to know I wasn’t the only one who had experienced these issues.The very same day I released the article, a friend of mine stopped by the house and we began talking about it. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and there is a bigger issue or concept but you focus on a minor detail? Well, that’s what happened to me. I’ll explain.

You see, prior to coming to my house, my friend had to make a stop at another person’s house whom we both know. They too, had a conversation about the article and when telling me about their conversation she mentioned that the person stated, “But Erika never goes anywhere.”  Now, let’s be clear, my friend wasn’t being “messy”, it REALLY was a minor detail in the bigger story she was telling. She probably doesn’t even know that I zeroed in on that little detail but I did. I immediately went on the defense in my mind and started naming all the reasons in my mind why I “don’t go anywhere”. Would you like to know my reasons? Well, I’m not telling you! Why? Because I don’t want you to lose focus on the bigger picture of part 2! It’s a minor detail that I don’t want you to get lost in like I did. So what is the bigger picture? I’ll tell you.

I’ve come to realize that while I needed to write that post, I also needed to grow from it. While the post was my truth, it wasn’t the ENTIRE truth. It wasn’t the entire truth because I took myself out of the equation regarding friendships and I focused a great deal on the other person(s) and their actions. So here are some things that God has laid on my heart.

Number one, I had a really bad habit of holding onto friendships way, way after our season of friendship was over. Now please hear me out on what I’m going to say next because this is all about vulnerability and GROWTH. Too often, we, myself included, see friendships ending as a negative thing. By negative I mean, something negative had to have happened for the friendship to end. Do you know why this is? Probably because we’ve been trained to think that all relationships that end must be the “fault” of one of the parties. But what if neither party is at fault? What if nothing bad happened at all? How many times have we seen the following quotes or similar ones plastered on social media walls.

If our friendship ends, does that mean we were never friends to begin with? If we lose a friend, does that mean that they were fake? Are people who leave our lives unnecessary people? We’ve been conditioned to think, or maybe it’s just me, that there has to be a logical and defined explanation for everything. I think when we don’t know why something happens, our minds start to wonder and we end up creating reasons why things happen. We want to be able to assign the blame onto someone or something. The truth is, not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime and sometimes we’ve got to see that as a good thing. Sometimes those short friendships can have everlasting memories that are quite good. So maybe instead of drowning in the “what-ifs”, we focused on the “what-dids” (made up a new word right there). “What did” you learn from that friendship that has had a positive impact on your life?

Number two, you get back what you put out. This goes with new friendships and old friendships. I always felt like people didn’t invite me places and I focused on that for a long, long time. But when I gave it a little more thought, I realized that while I was waiting on them, they could have very easily been waiting on me. I’m so good at saying, “We should get together,” but I’m horrible at making the follow-up call, that falls on me, not them.

Number three, as we go through life’s personal experiences, we change.  The problem with this is that while we acknowledge the fact that we’ve changed, we feel guilty that those changes sometimes mean that friendships change, too. So we hold on and endure awkward exchanges, pretending that everything is the same, and it’s just not. Life experiences such as marriage, divorce, never married but wants to get married, never married and no desire to marry, kids, no kids, young kids, teenage kids, working mom, stay-at-home-mom, and etcetera do shape our outlook on life. This is not to say that if you don’t share the same life experiences, you can’t be friends, that’s not what I’m saying at all. But what I am saying, is that we sometimes gravitate toward those who share similar outlooks on  life and that’s not a bad thing.

Finally and most importantly, God places people in, out, and around our lives for a reason. When I wrote the first part of Friendships and Heartbreak, I didn’t know where I fit in anymore. I was back “home” after having moved away for a year. When I left home, I was a new mother to a six-week old baby, who just resigned after six years of teaching, and was excited about moving to a new city. When I came back home to Augusta, I came back pregnant with my second child, now a stay-at-home-mom with a one year old, lonely from not knowing anyone in that new city I was so excited about, and a longing to know Christ more than I ever had before. My biggest prayer was to have a deeper, more meaningful relationship with God. God answered my prayer by placing me at a new church, letting me discover Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS), and attending a weekly Bible study class. However, I didn’t realize at the time that God needed to place new people and even an old friend in my life.  But thank God for growth and persistence. Thank God for putting it on an old friend’s heart, Alexis, to keep reaching out to me when for a long time, I didn’t do the same in return. Thank God for putting Marissa in my life, who kept telling me to call her every week at Bible study and I finally did, a whole two months later. Thank God for Chloe, who is quite literally one of the most positive and kind-hearted people I know.  Thank God for Ashley, a kindred spirit. Thank God for walks with Carley. Thank God for Joni and honest conversations. And thank God for Julia, Erin, and Shelby tried, true, and tested friends. And thank God for Berry, who stands far above the rest.