Perfect and Ideal (Part 3 on Marriage)

PhotoCred:haBE Photography
PhotoCred:haBE Photography

According the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of ideal is exactly right for a particular purpose, situation, or person. The definition of perfect is having no mistakes or flaws.

What if we applied these definitions to how we think about our spouse? What if you have the ideal spouse but have been seeking perfection?

Many have heard the following quotes time and time again, “There’s no such thing as perfect,” and “There was only one perfect man to ever walk this earth, Jesus.” We’ve heard these quotes, we understand them to be true but when it comes to application, I think we sometimes fail to remember that human perfection does not exist.

What if we looked at our spouse as being ideal? Let’s break it down into three parts according to the definition.

Exactly Right for a Particular Purpose

God had a purpose for marriage when He first created the covenant between man and woman and He still has a purpose for marriage today. More specifically, He has a purpose for YOUR marriage today.

Our goal, as Christians, is to glorify God in all that we do. Do we always succeed at this? I’ll let you answer that on your own. But just like our goal as individuals is to glorify God, that too is our purpose, or our goal, as married couples, to glorify God in our union.

Now, pause. We’re going to move to the next section but this will be tied together.

Exactly Right Situation

In a marriage, there’s a very strong possibility that your union will face some type of adversity. For the sake of the fact I love a good testimony, I’ll share a tough situation my husband and I went through.

Four months after we said our “I Dos” my husband had open heart surgery at the ripe old age of 26.  He went on short-term disability for three months. Now, for some reason, I had this really naive idea that short-term disability meant that he would still receive his full paycheck every two weeks and all would be well financially. Please don’t ask me what I was thinking, blame it on my youth. Well, his disability checks were half of what he normally made. We didn’t have anything saved and slowly but surely bills started getting paid later and later. When my husband returned to his managerial position at work, I was so relieved.

About a month after he returned back to work he started feeling as though his current place of employment isn’t where he wanted to be anymore. He kept praying about it and fast forward six months later, he decided to leave his managerial position and work part-time for a company he thought would provide better career opportunities. My husband felt he was being led by God and I felt he was led by maybe a new medication he was taking after surgery called “You’ve lost your mind.” Long story short, we lost a car and even had to stay with my parents for a time. There were bad arguments, lots of tears, and lots of blame being thrown in my husband’s direction.

That situation took us to what I consider to be the lowest of the lows within our marriage. Now, I will say this, we NEVER, EVER, EVER mentioned the word divorce because that is a promise we made to each other from the beginning of our marriage. However, we struggled as a couple in our relationship. I didn’t see God’s plan in our situation.

But God…God did.

The crazy decision my husband felt led to do is why I’m able to stay home with my two girls and pursue my passion in writing.

I’m reminded of the song, Greater is Coming:

An olive has to go through three stages, for its oil to run:
It has to go through the shaking, the beating, and the pressing
And just like the olive, some of you may have felt like you go through the shaking, the beating and the pressing.
You’ve went through all of that for your oil to flow
Now, your greater is coming…

If it had not been for the shaking,
I never would have been ready for the making, no

If it had not been for the beating,
I would have never knew how anointed I would be.

If it had not been for the pressing,
I wouldn’t be able to walk into my destiny.
He’s preparing me, preparing me, preparing me for greater…

Marriage can be shaken, beaten to the core, and pressed so hard we can’t see what’s ahead. What is really sad about this, is way more often than it should, when marriages go through tough situations, people tend to flee. However, the word of God says, That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2: 24) Know that God will sometimes allow us to go through what we consider hard situations with our spouse in order to prepare our marriages for something greater. And when God prepares us for something greater, what we consider a non perfect situation can be looked at as an ideal situation. Ideal in the fact that this situation that God allowed to happen in your marriage, is in fact the perfect thing to strengthen your marriage. And when your marriage is strengthened, you can achieve your ideal purpose as a couple of glorifying God.

Perfect

The Ideal Person

The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18 

There is not one person on this earth that is perfect, not one. However, the person who rules over earth IS perfect. God’s plan is perfect and He makes no mistakes. And while your spouse is not a perfect person, I believe that God made them ideally for you. Meaning your spouse in God’s plan is exactly right for you, God’s plan is perfect.

Take time and let that soak in.

Trust in God’s plan that your spouse is in fact the ideal person for you and together you can achieve the exactly right purpose for your life in every situation. And that my friend, is perfect.

I may not know the person on the other side of this screen, or maybe I do, just know that I’m praying for you and your marriage, stay encouraged.

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8 thoughts on “Perfect and Ideal (Part 3 on Marriage)

  1. Yes! Love this! I can also testify that if you can make it through the lowest of the lows in your marriage… After the storm your blessing means so much more.

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  2. I enjoyed your article on marriage. True it is we have to remember we have to work at marriage all the time the two of you have to want the same things. You are very talented keep it up.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Very nice. I can see the “Beverly” humor of telling a story. Embarking on 20 years of marriage in 6 weeks. You are wise beyond your years. Great testimony for young couples.

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  4. Wow!!! Thank you for your transparency!! You are a fearless writer and your honesty will surely help many who have or have had or will have some of these same struggles. Many people work so hard to make others think they have the perfect life when really none of us do. I believe that those who do have challenges in their relationship but are never exposed to others who have been there or are also going leaves them without anyone they can relate to. Therefore they feel like they are alone in their struggles and give up on their situation because “no one else has these problems”. Hopefully the person who feels like they’re alone in their challenges will read this post and know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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    • There’s a book, not sure of the name, that used circles to illustrate how people are. The inside circle represents the “real” person and their story but so many of us have an exterior circle. The exterior circle is how we want people to perceive us. The author stated that often, the inner circle, the real us, is the part that is often more interesting and will allow for deeper relationships with others, including our spouses. I say this to say, I want to help others, and so I try to be as open and as transparent as possible so that people know they are definitely not alone. Thank you for reading and sharing your insight.

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