Social Media and Race

It’s something you see everyday if you’re on any type of social media. I look through my Facebook timeline and it reminds me of a tennis match. One “side” serves and the “other” side hits back. “Oh yeah, well take this,” the other player hits back again. “Not good enough,” the other side shouts back, “this post will get ya!”

Tennis Player 1: Black Lives Matter

Tennis Player 2: All lives matter

Tennis Player 2: Beyonce’s Racist Super Bowl Show

Tennis Player 1: Beyonce’s Performance More Than Just a Good Show

Tennis Player 1: White Cop Shoots Unarmed Black Man

Tennis Player 2: Black Man Shoots Off-Duty White Cop

Tennis Player 1: If This Offends You and Not This, You’re a Racist

Tennis player 2: If This Offends You and Not This, You’re a Racist (Yes, I purposely put this for both players.)

And so the never-ending tennis match continues on and on, on and on, and on, and on, and on, and…..on.

This isn’t to say that race, racism (on both sides), and differing culture beliefs shouldn’t be discussed. But here’s the thing, it’s NOT being DISCUSSED.  Instead, people are shouting from behind computer screens in efforts to shout a little louder than the other side. It reminds me of that song, “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better”, you know, the one sung by children.

Here are my questions:

What purpose does posting news story after news story serve? Awareness? I think people are aware. And I personally think it’s counterproductive no matter who it’s coming from.

If someone is or isn’t offended by something, or speaks out about something, and so on…is “racist” the only label we can come up with?

Can someone make an ignorant statement and not be deemed a racist? And while we’re on it, let’s stop being offended by the term ignorant. Ignorant means lacking knowledge or information about something. A little while ago, someone said, “Next time that happens, you should go all black on them.” Ignorant statement? Yes. Racist person? Not so much.  Have I made ignorant statements before? Sure. I remember years ago, a couple of coworkers invited me out and the first question I asked was, “Will there be any other black people there?” Ignorant question on my end? Ugh, do I have to admit it? Okay, yes. Did the question make me a racist? No. They were both offended but guess what, they asked me about it and we discussed it. I was able to share my reasoning for asking the question and they were able to share why it offended them.

More questions to ponder: Are you a part of the problem or a part of the solution? Because quite honestly, if all you’re doing is shouting for your “team” on social media you’re helping your team lose. Wait, did you catch that? You’re both losing.

(If you’re a believer, than really you should know that we are really ONE team and that this whole thing is a scheme by the enemy, but I’ll digress.)

 

Here’s the thing, either you are a part of the problem or you’re a part of the solution. It’s that simple. If you’re not trying to find a solution, you’re fighting a losing battle and you my friend, are a part of the problem.

Now let me pause, the solution is not to ignore it, say it doesn’t exist or say that talking about it further perpetuates it. It can’t be ignored, it DOES exist, and not talking about it is like letting a forest fire continue to burn, eventually it gets out of control. Sex trafficking, poverty, hunger, and unemployment won’t resolve themselves and ignoring those things doesn’t make them go away, same goes for the racial climate that exist today.

Instead of posting away behind your screen, why not pray and ask God how you can be apart of the solution and not the problem? Why not start a conversation with someone whose viewpoint may differ from yours so that BOTH of you can be enlightened? Ask God to open your ears so that you can actually listen and not just hear what the other person is saying. Ask God to open your heart so that even if you don’t agree, maybe you can understand the other point of view. Pray that the other person will do the same for you, open their ears and listen. Pray that they will attempt to understand you, even if they don’t agree. Ask God to help you go into the conversation with a heart towards finding a solution and not with a heart to make the other person agree with YOUR stance.

The truth is that things won’t get better until there is an open dialogue, a conversation, and not a shouting match. So make a decision now, either you can keep the tennis match going or you can put your racket down and work toward something that can actually benefit your “opponent” AND you. Let’s stop letting the enemy use us to further perpetuate problems by posting antagonistic memes and news articles. Remember that saying that was out a couple of years ago, “What Would Jesus Do” (WWJD)? Well, what would He do? Pray about it.

Praying for you daily, love you!

 

 

There’s No Turning Back…

Sometimes there is something so exciting that you just can’t keep it to yourself. And sometimes there is something so exciting that it scares you. Sometimes that something that is so big AND scares you, has to be released into the atmosphere so that there’s no turning back. THIS EXCITING THING is one of those! It’s big, it’s scary, and it has to be released so that WE will be held accountable.

 

So, what is it?! And who is WE?

Well, you may have heard me mention my buddy, Marissa a time or two over at Honey Flavored Lemonade and she’s a big part of this because she is who makes up the WE. So what are WE doing?!

Spill it already, Erika!!!

Okay, I’ll tell you but first a little background…(Really?! Yes, really. Patience my friends.)

I initially heard of Marissa from a mutual friend who thought she would be a great person to talk to because she was very knowledgeable about dairy allergies. My youngest daughter had just had a severe allergic reaction to cheddar cheese puffs and she looked like she could’ve been Will Smith’s daughter in the movie Hitch when he had an allergic reaction.

I finally met Marissa and we exchanged numbers and I know I told her every Thursday (I would see her at our Women’s Bible Study every week) that I would call her tomorrow. Tomorrow turned into about a month and finally Marissa said, “You’ve been saying that for about a month now. I’ll believe it when it happens.” Ouch! Did you feel that? Yep, that stinging sensation when someone calls you out and they’re right. Ugh!

I can’t remember if I sent a text or sent a Facebook message but the following Wednesday I was ringing Marissa’s doorbell. She thought I was coming to talk dairy allergies. Wrong! I had checked out Marissa’s blog and was thinking of becoming a blogger myself. Not only that, I was feeling as though I was being called into the ministry but wasn’t sure what to do.

That afternoon, I poured my heart out to Marissa about friendships, blogging, and ministry and quite honestly, if it wasn’t for help, I probably wouldn’t have started blogging (or KEPT blogging or RETURNED to blogging).

For the past year, Marissa and I have shared so many of our passions. We’ve shared our dreams and found that they are quite similar. Our dreams have been both big and small, achievable in a day and achievable in the long run, and some have seemed impossible. But God… I love those two words together. It usually means God is about to show how awesome He is!

There are times when Marissa and I have thought that our aspirations were pointless and silly. Furthermore, there are times when we thought our aspirations were “self-serving” but God always had a way of using us to speak words of encouragement to each other. God also let us know that it’s okay to have aspirations, or dreams, and that it’s not “self-serving” to want to speak and share what God has laid on our hearts through public speaking or blogging. We learned that it’s perfectly okay to dream in God’s will.

Proverbs 27:17 states, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Marissa has been that friend to me and I have been that friend to her.

What Marissa and I have realized is that there are many women out there who have things they want to achieve to, big or small, all aspirations matter. However, not all of those women have people in the circle who encourage them to go after whatever it is that they want. And that got us to thinking………. and thinking……….. and thinking some more.

So, here is what we came up with:

1. It’s okay to aspire towards something. Dreaming about doing more or being more isn’t selfish or outside of God’s will. My friend Ashley shared this quote by Erma Bombeck regarding her business, JubeeleeArt, it states, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would have a single bit of talent left, and could say, I used everything you gave me.”
2. You have to be relentless. Not everything comes easy and it may not be handed to you. That doesn’t mean it’s not for you. I can’t begin to tell you how many times we wanted to give up blogging, speaking, even ADULTING!  But you have to keep going.
3. Truth. God’s word is the truth. Matthew 6:33 states, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

 

Those three things are the core of our BIG THING!

In February 2017 join us for our first conference, the Aspire Relentless Truth (A.R.T.) Conference! This conference is open to all women who have aspirations big or small and want to join a circle of women who can share how they have achieved their dreams, are working toward their dreams, and women who may be at the beginning of realizing what their dreams are. We hope that you will join us! More details to come…..

Day 16: On Assignment

I think almost every writer, singer, speaker, actor, and you name it has experienced this. This what? This great idea that you’re going immediately blow up overnight because you have either written the best book ever written, sang a song better than it’s ever been sung before, or given the greatest on-screen performance since Scarlet Ohara’s, “I’ll never go hungry again”, and so on. But then…crickets. I’ve been there,  I’ve experienced these great expectations, and I’ve been disappointed.

So what do you do?

Keep writing, keep singing, keep speaking, keep acting, and keep doing what you have been led to do. Here are three things that have helped me to keep going on with my assignment.

PRAY                                                                                                 

I can’t tell you what you should say to God but I will share with you my prayer. God, thank you so much for blessing me with he ability to express myself through writing. Thank you for the opportunity to share who You are with others. God, I pray that the message that You would have each individual receive be of encouragement to them. I pray Lord that I would hear your voice and that you would impart your wisdom on me.  I pray, Lord, that at least one person gains something from these words. Lord,help me forget about my ego and remember it’s about you. I thank you for all these things in advance. Amen.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER, FLOCK TOGETHER  

It’s a good idea to have people who are in the same boat in your inner circle. These are going to the people who “get it” and you need them. Here’s the truth, as much as your family and friends love you, they’re not necessarily always going to be the most supportive. Having friends who have either “been there, done that” or at the same exact stage in the game is important. Ahh, I almost forgot this, make sure you are helping those coming after you, too. For me, my flock includes a fellow blogger, a stationary designer, my book editor, and one friend who isn’t into any of this stuff but she comments on every post (look for her, you’ll find her easily, LOL). Mom, don’t fret, you’re included!

REMEMBER YOUR ASSIGNMENT, DAILY  

For me personally, I feel God has given me heart that wants to help women and their spiritual growth. I try to make sure every post ends with words of encouragement. I don’t want to talk about problems for the sake of talking about them, I want to help offer solutions on how to deal with them, too. To me, that’s the assignment that God has laid on my heart. Now, if God sees fit that this blog should gain more followers, that’s great. I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t think about it but I have to remind myself on a daily basis that what I write is bigger than little ol’ me. I have to remind myself of my assignment and remember my “why”.

Day 15: Three Blogs and Three Apps You Should Check Out

Today I wanted to share with you some of my favorite blogs and mobile apps. Check them out below and you can even click on the title of each to take you directly to the website or to download. I’d love to hear from you what your favorite apps and blogs are, so don’t be afraid to comment. I hope you enjoy these as much as I do!

Little Lights of Mine by Ayesha Curry

As Ayesha tells it, she’s a Canadian born, Charlotte, NC raised wife and mommy currently living in San Francisco. Her family is her heartbeat and she’s been blessed to be able to work from home, raise two little girls and be a loving wife to her husband Stephen. She loves the Lord, food, and her family. Ayesha started this blog to witness, exchange recipes, stories and document the daily happenings in her life. I love this blog because Ayesha’s realness and joy are palatable through the computer screen.

Honey Flavored Lemonade

This blog belongs to one of my very good friends, Marissa. I first heard about Marissa through a mutual friend who told me I should contact her when I learned my youngest daughter had a dairy allergy. When I finally met Marissa at my church’s weekly Bible study, I got her number and every week for two months, I told her I would call her. Finally, one day as we were leaving the study, I told her I would call. She said, “I’ll believe that when it happens, you’ve been saying that every week.” I got in my car in the church parking lot and sent her text, pretty much inviting myself over her house the following day. She’s been my buddy ever since! Her blog is covers everything from faith and inspiration, to book reviews, home maintenance, photography, and recipes geared for those who have allergies to dairy, nuts, and you name it. My favorite part of her blog are her Front Porch Truths, where her honesty about life will make you want to laugh, cry, and say, “Yes, me too!”

A Kelective Muse

A Kelective Muse is your one stop place for everything that has to do with fashion, all while on a budget.  The purpose of Kelly’s blog is to inspire you to become bold, fearless and confident within your own personal style. As Kelly states, ” Shop smarter. Love harder. Budget better. Be inspired.” She even offers personal style services for people in the NYC area but fret not my friends, email consultations are available too, so distance isn’t a factor. One thing I must add, before I met Kelly, I knew of her through her modeling pictures, the girl is gorgeous. However, as beautiful as she is on the outside, she is ten times more beautiful on the inside, an absolute heart of gold.

She Reads Truth

She Reads Truth is an online community of women who study God’s word together daily through the app, web site, or just by using the #SheReadsTruth hashtag on social media. Not only are there daily devotionals but there are also lock screens, reading plans, bookmarking and journaling capabilities, additional free and paid devotional reading plans, and so much more.

First 5

I love this app! The vision for First 5 was developed by Proverbs 31 Ministries in order to connect a woman’s heart to God’s Word the First 5 minutes of her day. First 5 will wake you up with a short teaching first thing in the morning, so you can exchange whispers with God before shouts with the world. It’s way too easy to fall into the trap of being “too busy” to spend time with God and honestly, we owe Him a lot more than five minutes. However, five minutes is better than no time at all. So before you hop out of the bed in the morning, spend time with God, there’s no better way to start your day.

Echo Prayer App

 Echo was created to help organize and keep a list of prayers, and in turn help you remember all the things you need to pray for when life gets busy. For me personally, this app has helped me become more detailed in my prayer life. For example, I used to literally say, “God, I pray for my marriage,” but what exactly I wanted God to do for my marriage was not being expressed. Of course, pen and paper can do the trick too, but if you like technology this app is great. There’s even an icon to check off answered prayers.

Day 6: Friendships and Heartbreak, Part 2

A couple of months back, I put myself out there and wrote a very heartfelt, vulnerable post called Friendships and Heartbreak. The funny thing about that piece is that I almost got cold feet and deleted the sucker. I literally started sweating the moment I clicked on publish and I had to walk away from the computer. In my mind, I knew people would laugh or say that girl is way too sensitive or who cares about what happened in third grade. However, the response was overwhelming! I can’t begin to tell you how many messages I received after posting it and it felt good to know I wasn’t the only one who had experienced these issues.The very same day I released the article, a friend of mine stopped by the house and we began talking about it. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and there is a bigger issue or concept but you focus on a minor detail? Well, that’s what happened to me. I’ll explain.

You see, prior to coming to my house, my friend had to make a stop at another person’s house whom we both know. They too, had a conversation about the article and when telling me about their conversation she mentioned that the person stated, “But Erika never goes anywhere.”  Now, let’s be clear, my friend wasn’t being “messy”, it REALLY was a minor detail in the bigger story she was telling. She probably doesn’t even know that I zeroed in on that little detail but I did. I immediately went on the defense in my mind and started naming all the reasons in my mind why I “don’t go anywhere”. Would you like to know my reasons? Well, I’m not telling you! Why? Because I don’t want you to lose focus on the bigger picture of part 2! It’s a minor detail that I don’t want you to get lost in like I did. So what is the bigger picture? I’ll tell you.

I’ve come to realize that while I needed to write that post, I also needed to grow from it. While the post was my truth, it wasn’t the ENTIRE truth. It wasn’t the entire truth because I took myself out of the equation regarding friendships and I focused a great deal on the other person(s) and their actions. So here are some things that God has laid on my heart.

Number one, I had a really bad habit of holding onto friendships way, way after our season of friendship was over. Now please hear me out on what I’m going to say next because this is all about vulnerability and GROWTH. Too often, we, myself included, see friendships ending as a negative thing. By negative I mean, something negative had to have happened for the friendship to end. Do you know why this is? Probably because we’ve been trained to think that all relationships that end must be the “fault” of one of the parties. But what if neither party is at fault? What if nothing bad happened at all? How many times have we seen the following quotes or similar ones plastered on social media walls.

If our friendship ends, does that mean we were never friends to begin with? If we lose a friend, does that mean that they were fake? Are people who leave our lives unnecessary people? We’ve been conditioned to think, or maybe it’s just me, that there has to be a logical and defined explanation for everything. I think when we don’t know why something happens, our minds start to wonder and we end up creating reasons why things happen. We want to be able to assign the blame onto someone or something. The truth is, not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime and sometimes we’ve got to see that as a good thing. Sometimes those short friendships can have everlasting memories that are quite good. So maybe instead of drowning in the “what-ifs”, we focused on the “what-dids” (made up a new word right there). “What did” you learn from that friendship that has had a positive impact on your life?

Number two, you get back what you put out. This goes with new friendships and old friendships. I always felt like people didn’t invite me places and I focused on that for a long, long time. But when I gave it a little more thought, I realized that while I was waiting on them, they could have very easily been waiting on me. I’m so good at saying, “We should get together,” but I’m horrible at making the follow-up call, that falls on me, not them.

Number three, as we go through life’s personal experiences, we change.  The problem with this is that while we acknowledge the fact that we’ve changed, we feel guilty that those changes sometimes mean that friendships change, too. So we hold on and endure awkward exchanges, pretending that everything is the same, and it’s just not. Life experiences such as marriage, divorce, never married but wants to get married, never married and no desire to marry, kids, no kids, young kids, teenage kids, working mom, stay-at-home-mom, and etcetera do shape our outlook on life. This is not to say that if you don’t share the same life experiences, you can’t be friends, that’s not what I’m saying at all. But what I am saying, is that we sometimes gravitate toward those who share similar outlooks on  life and that’s not a bad thing.

Finally and most importantly, God places people in, out, and around our lives for a reason. When I wrote the first part of Friendships and Heartbreak, I didn’t know where I fit in anymore. I was back “home” after having moved away for a year. When I left home, I was a new mother to a six-week old baby, who just resigned after six years of teaching, and was excited about moving to a new city. When I came back home to Augusta, I came back pregnant with my second child, now a stay-at-home-mom with a one year old, lonely from not knowing anyone in that new city I was so excited about, and a longing to know Christ more than I ever had before. My biggest prayer was to have a deeper, more meaningful relationship with God. God answered my prayer by placing me at a new church, letting me discover Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS), and attending a weekly Bible study class. However, I didn’t realize at the time that God needed to place new people and even an old friend in my life.  But thank God for growth and persistence. Thank God for putting it on an old friend’s heart, Alexis, to keep reaching out to me when for a long time, I didn’t do the same in return. Thank God for putting Marissa in my life, who kept telling me to call her every week at Bible study and I finally did, a whole two months later. Thank God for Chloe, who is quite literally one of the most positive and kind-hearted people I know.  Thank God for Ashley, a kindred spirit. Thank God for walks with Carley. Thank God for Joni and honest conversations. And thank God for Julia, Erin, and Shelby tried, true, and tested friends. And thank God for Berry, who stands far above the rest.

Day 4: Touch the Sky

My heart beating, my soul breathing
I found my life when I laid it down
Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

Find me here at Your feet again
Everything I am, reaching out, I surrender
Come sweep me up in Your love again
And my soul will dance
On the wings of forever

You know the scary part of being vulnerable, it’s the unknown possibilities of what can happen. It’s not knowing if you’ll be able survive the next problem that comes your way. It’s not knowing if you give your heart to someone, that they’ll take good care of it. It’s not knowing if resigning from your job and returning to school for the degree you always wanted will really pay off. It’s not knowing if you take some time off from work to spend with family, your boss or customers will understand. It’s not knowing whether you’ll succeed if you quit your job to become a comedienne, your life-long dream. So you know what happens in a lot of these cases, we don’t. Don’t what? Try.

Rather than be vulnerable and put ourselves out there, we don’t even try. So we close ourselves off to the possibilities because we believe that they’re impossible.

You know what’s sad about this? We do the same thing when it comes to our relationship with God and putting our trust in Him. We say to ourselves that “we” have to handle it, whatever “it” is. We take matters into our own hands and try to fix the messes in our lives. Some of us are so brave we come to believe that we can even fix the messes in other people’s lives too, or at least recommend them to contact Oprah so that she can put them in touch with Iyanla: Fix My Life.

I’ve been there before, in that place where I doubted God could do exactly what He said He could do. I’ve been that person with good intentions who took matters into her own hands and had horrible outcomes. So I know it sounds like an oxymoron to hear someone say, “I found my life when I laid it down, upward falling, spirit soaring, I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground,” but friend I am here to tell you, it’s true, so true.

Something happens when you make yourself vulnerable to God and allow Him to take over. When you lay down your life and take up the life God has planned for you, life takes on a whole new meaning. When you get on your knees in prayer, you become closer to your Heavenly Father who wants nothing more than to love you and to keep you with Him forever.

Find me here at Your feet again
Everything I am, reaching out, I surrender
Come sweep me up in Your love again
And my soul will dance
On the wings of forever

Friend, with everything you are, reach out and surrender it all to God. Never forget, you touch the sky when your knees hit the ground.

Day 3: Jehovah and “J-Hova”

Years ago when I was in my very early 20’s, an older friend of mine, “Tee”,  had a girl’s night at her house. I had known this girl from the time we were kids, having been military brats, we both lived in Texas and moved to Georgia. I always admired her, she was smart, very pretty, was working in the field of counseling kids, and was very heavily involved in church. But while I admired her, there was always a slight intimidation factor with her that I could never put my finger on, well, until this particular night.

If I remember correctly, there were probably around six to eight of us at the house. One or two of the girls I had met before, the others were new acquaintances. We were having a conversation about music and one of the girls brought up Jay Z, particularly how he referred to himself as J-Hova. I can’t remember all the details of the conversation but the main point of the discussion was the fact that Jay Z was calling himself  “J-Hova” the god of rap.

“Hmm, you really think he is calling himself Jesus by referring to himself as J-Hova, I never noticed that,” I said without much thought.

“Excuse me, you never thought of it that way? Well, clearly you are weak in your Christian faith and need to learn more if you don’t recognize the name Jehovah,” Tee said.

“Tee! You can’t say that to somebody, that wasn’t right,” one of the girls said laughing.

“Well, it’s true. She is weak in her faith if she doesn’t know that,” J responded.

The conversation then went on to something else, at least for everyone else it did. Embarrassed, humiliated in front of a group of people, I held back tears. I managed to hold myself together for about another 30 minutes and then I came up with some excuse as to why I had to leave early. I didn’t talk to her for years after that for two reasons, she embarrassed me in front of a group of people without any remorse and I also felt that I wasn’t on her “spiritual” level.

Now, let’s be clear I should have recognized the Jehovah and J-Hova comparison, that I do not disagree with point, blank, and period.I’m not sharing this story for the sake of saying this particular person embarrassed me in front of a group people and woe is me. I’m sharing this story because as I thought about vulnerability this morning, I thought about how some of us Christians make it hard for other Christians to be vulnerable for fear of embarrassment or being judged because we are so much more “holier than though”. As my pastor has put it, “It’s as though some Christians have climbed a ladder, removed steps along the way and then got to the top just to look down at others.”

The truth of the matter is there are people who are at different spots in their walk with Christ. We have new believers, old believers, those who are spiritually fed on Sundays, and who get an additional dose at a weekly Bible study. There are some who have scripture memorized, there are some who know the gist of what scripture says, and there are some who the “big” stories and that’s about it. Being in one category over another doesn’t make one better than the other.

The problem is that we as Christians, have got to be careful in how and when we correct others. Notice I didn’t say we shouldn’t correct others but rather there is a way in which we do it. Yes, I know we are also instructed to clean the plank out of our own eye before we can point out the speck in our brother’s eye (Matthew 7: 4-5). But the truth of the matter is that there are times when we do have to correct one another. But how we do it can have long-lasting positive effect or negative effect.

So here are three thing we should remember as Christians when correcting others.

1. Encourage the person. Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, NIV)
2. Correct in private. If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have own your brother. (Matthew 18:15, NASB)
3. Have a gentle spirit. Christian brothers, if a person is found doing some sin, you who are stronger Christians should lead that one back into the right way. Do not be proud as you do it. Watch yourself, because you may be tempted also.

Day 1: Hi, I’m “Insert Your Name Here” and I’m Vulnerable

The other day I was looking through my timeline on Facebook and I came across a post about the most current remake of Cinderella. One of the comments that struck me and quite truthfully made me chuckle stated, “Such a punchable Cinderella”. I haven’t seen the current remake but I couldn’t help but wonder what would make Cinderella so “punchable”. What is it about the damsel in distress that we have come to despise so much? In this age of women fighting for equality and the feminism movement, the damsel in distress character, that vulnerable princess who needs Prince Charming to come and save her, well, it just doesn’t fit together with where our society is right now. The vulnerable person is seen as weak, insufficient, unable to defend themselves. No wonder people shudder at the thought of being seen as vulnerable.

I mean just think about it. Would you want to be described as vulnerable? Let’s have a look-see at the two definitions for vulnerable. The first definition is easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally. The second definition is open to attack, harm, or damage. Could you imagine doing an icebreaker where you would have to name a quality of yourself and you said, “Hi, my name is and one way I would describe myself is vulnerable.” Sounds crazy right?! Could you imagine the looks that person would get?

Well, go ahead and turn up your noses and roll your eyes at me now because, “Hi, I’m Erika and one way I would describe myself is vulnerable and proud of it.” And since I went ahead and put that out there, I’ll go ahead and go a step further and say, I wish a lot more of you would join me and become vulnerable. I’m not talking about society’s definition of being vulnerable but I’m talking about being vulnerable to God.

Why? Well, when I admit that I’m vulnerable, I admit that I have some flaws. I admit that there are some things about me that I don’t particularly care for, I admit that I don’t always do the right thing, I don’t always say the right thing, these are the things I admit when I say I’m vulnerable, plus so much more. But something really cool happens when I admit I these things, actually two things happen. We will discuss the first thing today and next one tomorrow.

The first thing that happens and the most important is that when I allow myself to be vulnerable, it gives God the opportunity to put us where He wants us to be and for His name to be glorified.  Read what Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV) 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Vulnerability is hard, we like to be in control of our lives, or so at least think we are in control. Being vulnerable means praying and waiting,  and a lot of us lose the game of waiting EVERY SINGLE TIME. Being vulnerable means letting others see our flaws and in a day and age where social media leads us to believe everyone else is having more fun at life than we are, that’s hard. I’ll never forget when Jennifer, a gifted speaker at my church, said “Instead of asking God to step into our plan. We have to say, God, whatever your plan is, I want to jump into it.” Folks, that’s hard because it is giving total control over to Him and while we know it’s the right thing to do, we struggle.

Read Isaiah 55:8-11 (NIV) and pay particular attention to verse 11.

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

Did you get chills like I did? What person do you know here on earth that can make such a promise, “So is the word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty”?  Oooooooeeeeeee, chills I tell you, chills!!!

What is it in your life that you need to let go of control and become vulnerable so that God can work in your life? I don’t know about you but I will happily be that vulnerable princess in the fairy tale, who needs a King to step in and make everything okay, especially when I know that I serve a mighty King in God. So, try it out. Try being vulnerable for a while. Go ahead and say it, “Hi, I’m <insert your name here> and I’m vulnerable.”

Friendships and Heartbreak

It was in third grade that I experienced my first heartbreak in terms of friendships. Yes, heartbreak. I choose that word because romantic relationships aren’t the only ones that can lead to heartbreak, sometimes friendships can too.

I remember the pain just like it was yesterday. Lonely, sad, embarrassed, and the feeling of being inadequate could describe that day. What happened? The birthday/slumber party of all parties and I was the only girl not invited. Let me go a little bit deeper. One of my best friends had a birthday/slumber party and I was the only girl out of our group of friends who did not get an invitation. Let me take it one step further, the week before the birthday party, I stayed the night at her house and the week after I stayed the weekend at her house. I bet you’re probably confused right now. Don’t worry, I was too. I’ll give you a moment to read over the paragraph again.

Yes, you read it correctly.

I remember the day the invitations went out and I didn’t receive mine. I thought it was odd but I wasn’t worried about it. I mean, we’re talking about one of my best friends here, right? It really didn’t occur to me until the day of the party that I really wasn’t invited. I remember my friend’s mom coming to have lunch with her at school for her birthday on the day of the party. All the girls were talking about how they were looking forward to the birthday party. Apparently, my friend’s parents had rented a van to transport the party guests around town to various places before settling in for a night of fun.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I remember asking my friend if I was invited but just hadn’t received an invitation. “No, I’m sorry, Erika. My parents said I couldn’t invite you.” My little world was crushed, literally. I remember being at home looking at the TGIF line up (Family Matters, Full House, etc.) and not being able to focus on the shows because I was so hurt. I later found out why I wasn’t invited but that is not the focus of this story.

So, why am I writing about this so many years later?

Well, because sometimes I still feel like the third grade girl not invited to “the party”, especially within the past year. Life is different, or at least it has been for me since becoming a SAHM. Both of my best friends live in either a different state or a different city. I find myself mingling in different circles now and I haven’t quite found my way. I have found myself working to establish and create friendships with other women and coming to the realization that I was the only one putting forth effort. If I didn’t call or text, they didn’t call or text and so on. Sure, if I invited them to meet up or hang out, they’d come but never vise versa. Is it weird to say, that I wanted to be wanted, as a friend? I hope not because that’s how I feel, sometimes.

I was so bothered by this, that I sent one of my best friends, Julia, a text message and asked her to be completely honest me. My exact text message went as follows:

Is there something about my personality that turns people off? Too opinionated? Talk too much? Etc.? I feel as though I’m everyone’s “step” friend. Like, I’m the friend filler until someone else comes along. It is really getting to me this week.

I braced myself for the harsh reality I just knew she was going to reply with.  But instead of the gut wrenching moment of constructive criticism I anticipated, she responded with, “I think you’re in a season where you’re coming across a lot of different people who aren’t meant to last a lifetime. You don’t need quantity, you need quality. ”

Then, I read the following verse: A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV) I read this verse over and over, even reading commentary to make sure I was interpreting it correctly.

The commentary that stuck out to me was Gill’s Exposition of the Bible (Study Light) . The message I received from it is that true friendship is a two-way street and if one is going out of their way to maintain friendships, well, it’s not really a friendship. Duh, right? The other part of this is that if one is receiving the benefits of friendship from another but is not reciprocating it, well that’s wrong, too. For example, you become friends with someone because they work for Delta and can get you a buddy pass (just making something up real quick but you get my drift).

The most awesome part of this scripture spoke to my soul in two ways. It reminded me that I do have “a friend who sticks closer than a brother”,  Jesus Christ. He has always been there for me and literally gave His life for me. Who can be a better friend out there than He? The other part is that as I look over this season in my life, I see how God has taken my lapse in establishing new friendships and turned it into an abundance of time spent building and strengthening my relationship with my Savior. My relationship with Christ has never been stronger than what it is now.

So, thank you God for the friendships that last a lifetime and even for those that last a little while, I know there is a reason for everything. And thank you Father for the friendships that lead to heartbreak. For it is through the heartbreak one can be reminded of the one who can mend broken hearts, the one who is always a true friend and so much more.